Our First Time Having Sex

Natalie and Dina continue their ascent up the cringe rollercoaster of relationships with men by sharing with you how they lost their virginities. Natalie travelled this world with a plastic bag full of condoms just trying to not leave college as a virgin. Dina had one goal in mind: get it over with! The best friends discuss everything from purity to pleasure in this episode!


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Transcript Of Episode:

[00:00:00] Natalie: Let's talk about sex. D let's talk about the first time. Let's talk about all the stupid those boys thought. They'd what is this?

[00:00:36] Dina: I love that.

[00:00:37] Natalie: What?

Every once in a while, when I'm just sitting by myself, , I'll take popular songs and then ruin them to fit my life. I feel

[00:00:54] Dina: like ruin is the wrong word. I feel like you nailed it. That was, thank you. Not ruining it. That was beautiful. Thank

[00:01:04] Natalie: you. I love that. We'll see if salt and pep are also proud of me.

[00:01:11] Dina: Yeah, we should definitely tweet them.

[00:01:14] Natalie: Well, one of the things that I'm going to do, because my life revolves around pop culture is I'm going to keep a document of all of the accidental plugs I do. Just because I love people and what people create, and then I'll make sure to like, Hey, do you wanna know about that book, Natalie, read boom, and make sure to actually make a post about it.

Oh, that's smart. That's like one of the things that bothers me, because I'll be like passively listening to a podcast while driving, and I can't jot down that book or that podcast right there. So. Hello and hi everyone. hi by, uh, episode three, you should know the crazy drill by now, but this is to all the men I've tolerated before with your host, Natalie Catona and Dina continue.

If this is your first time joining us, we are two women who weekly discuss men and relationships we've had with men and how they've really just helped us become the people we are today, either because of them or in spite of them . And each week you'll hear a little story about Dina and I, there will be a common theme, and then we will offer up some really great thank yous and manifestations to those men.

So today, if you couldn't. Come up with it from my little jingle Dina and I are going to talk about how we lost our virginities. God, I

[00:03:02] Dina: feel like it's just gonna keep getting cring like, I know I say it's all cringy, but like it's gonna keep getting cring hopefully, uh, hopefully next episode, we got some like awesome stuff happening. I don't know, like it's a fringe

[00:03:19] Natalie: Fest where we actually look like fully functioning humans. Right?

[00:03:24] Dina: Exactly.


[00:03:25] Natalie: this is your first time joining us, I would like to give you the opportunity to stop right here. And if you are a person who likes the dissent of a roller coaster, no, the accent that's the one going up, right? Yes. Correct. I know a lot of words, but not how to use them. So if you know the. Accent of a roller coaster.

Uh, I would go back to episode one and start with Dina and I's first crushes and then really ramp up yourself up with our first kisses and then have the big climax be our virginity stories.

[00:04:02] Dina: Yeah. If you wanna be super disappointed, please start there. Cause this, I feel like, at least for me, this climax is not gonna be a climax for my story.

Like this is not gonna look good.

[00:04:17] Natalie: I think that's on par with losing your virginity. If someone climax. Yeah. If a woman climaxed, when she lost her virginity, like please tell us we wanna celebrate you. We want to send you all of the emojis. yes.

[00:04:34] Dina: Wow. Honestly,

[00:04:35] Natalie: impressive. Right? Honestly, we're here for you and love you.

All right. So before cuz we're Al are we always going to do my story first? And then your story? Yeah,

[00:04:47] Dina: I feel like that's, I don't know. I, yeah.

[00:04:51] Natalie: So before I launch into my riveting tale, um, Dina was virginity, a thing that was discussed in your household. Did you have a quote unquote sex talk?

[00:05:05] Dina: Oh man. I feel like, you know the answer to this question without even asking me.

Um, no, I didn't have a sex talk. Uh, once again, you guys heard me talk about this. I grew up in like a very conservative Muslim household. Um, and so it wasn't talked about, but it was known that you had to wait for marriage to have sex. Yeah. It was expected that you wouldn't have sex before marriage. Um, you wouldn't even leave the house until you were married.

Like you wouldn't move out on your own. Obviously. I didn't care about that. And , I didn't, you know, I did all those things. Um, I think even like one time, uh, when my mom thought that I wasn't a version, she even said to me, like, we need to take you to a doctor so you can get quote, unquote, your virginity back.

Yeah. Like that they were gonna like, sew me back up or something to prepare me for

[00:06:12] Natalie: marriage. Well, we're gonna put a pin in the doctor visit because I have something to circle back to that. After we share our stories. All right. So in my household, um, my sex talk was taken over. My mom liked to parent me through literature because humble brag, I could read at a collegiate level in the fourth grade, they tested me oh, so my, so my sex talk went kind of like my puberty talk.

My mom handed me the American girl, your body and you book or your body, whatever it was called. And when it got to the period talk the menstruation, she was like, go ahead and wait for me for this chapter. And she like marked it in the book. And then when I got to that chapter, I was like, Hey mom, do you wanna like, explain to me what's gonna happen down there.

And she was like, you can. So she didn't even have that conversation with me. And then a couple years later for Christmas, for

[00:07:30] Dina: Christmas, oh no, what's happening. She

[00:07:33] Natalie: handed me this stack of sex novels, romance novels by liberal Spencer. I was maybe a freshman in high school, if not in eighth grade. And she was like, you're a grandmother.

And I really enjoyed these books when we were around your age. and we thought that maybe you would also enjoy learning about sex through these books. So everything I knew about sex from my mother was from a romance novel.

[00:08:15] Dina: That makes so much sense for now that makes so much sense.

[00:08:20] Natalie: And then there's my father's journey with my sex life.

Ugh, that sounds weird. With my sexual education. I have a cousin who had a, her oldest child before she graduated high school and I distinct, and I guess this could also be my sex talk. So I was sh my cousin's about 10 years older than me. So I was eight and all of a sudden we have to have a very serious family meeting in my parents' bedroom.

And like, my dad looks like he's just like been hit by a car. oh my God. And my mom is just like looking nonposted because she could really give a fuck. But my dad has called this very serious family meeting and my sister and I are standing. And they're like, your cousin has fallen pregnant and we're like, oh my God.

And we're like, okay, cool babies. And they're like, and my father went, no, not cool. So basically then my dad would like chant every like chance he could at us. You graduate high school, you go to college, you find a job, you get a husband. That is when you will have a baby AKA have sex with a man.

[00:09:54] Dina: Damn. He was like, brainwashing, you like this, then this, then this then baby.

[00:10:02] Natalie: Not

[00:10:02] Dina: before. How old was your cousin though?

[00:10:05] Natalie: 18. Like sh it was a prom baby. Like it was a senior. Oh, okay. My second

cousin, I shouldn't say it. She was a prom baby. okay. Okay. And basically the underlying issue was your cousin had sex one time and has now ruined her life, do not ruin your life.

[00:10:30] Dina: Wow.

[00:10:32] Natalie: Yes. So that was how I was taught about the sex romance novels.

And, but it will also ruin your life.

[00:10:43] Dina: Dang two extremes

[00:10:46] Natalie: Uhhuh. very confusing in my house.

[00:10:49] Dina: Dang. That is suit that will, that will really wreck your view of sex Uhhuh.

[00:10:57] Natalie: Uhhuh. It's been a rough time. Uh, so let's take that eight year old little NAB and let's grow her. To a 20 year old woman in college. And now all of a sudden, Natalie looks to her left and she looks to her, right?

She's like, you know, what's boring being a Virgin.

[00:11:26] Dina: it do be kind of boring.

[00:11:28] Natalie: I mean, mad respect to all the people who love their virginity true at 20 true.

[00:11:34] Dina: Right? Like it is your choice. Like a hundred percent only do it when you're

[00:11:39] Natalie: comfortable, only do it when you're comfortable. But when I graced my twenties, I went, I will not be a Virgin in my twenties.

I am a grown up. enter the waiter from Don Pablos, who motor boated me that one time.

[00:12:04] Dina: After love this guy.

[00:12:09] Natalie: after right after he made the trip to motorboat me. Um, I decided that he would be the easiest route of getting rid of my virginity because now I'm on a quest and I'm a Capricorn, so I have a goal. And now I'm thinking of like, what are the steps I need to take to get to this goal? Yeah. So my best friend from high school comes to visit me one weekend in college and she brings me a sandwich bag of condoms.

And she's like, cuz you never know a

[00:12:48] Dina: sandwich bag. Mm-hmm

[00:12:50] Natalie: why were they in a sandwich bag? Why were they because no one can afford. Can you imagine? Oh. A full box of condoms in college. You have to split your box of condoms with, she probably got them for free somewhere. okay.

[00:13:05] Dina: But can we just talk about you getting let's just imagine for a moment that you're in bed with someone and all of a sudden it's time to do the dirty.

And you're like, I have condoms pulls out ziplock bag. what I would've. If I was the other person, I would've been like, get out. No,

[00:13:30] Natalie: I'm sorry. Where would you have liked me to put them? Where would not in the Ziploc bag? You know where I keep mine?

[00:13:37] Dina: Where do you keep your hold on? I always have at least one. I always, I have multiple, but I always have one.

I have this little ceramic turtle on the headboard of my, uh, bed. His name is cookie. That turtle's name is cookie. So I put one underneath the turtle. And so when I need one, I just go, my little safety turtle. Got my condom for me

[00:14:01] Natalie: when you're getting some Nochi you go to cookie, the cookie.

[00:14:07] Dina: Yeah. You know what?

Everybody needs a condom turtle. I would recommend it got mine for $10. A TJ, max. I think please get a condom turtle

[00:14:19] Natalie: immediately. Please send us pictures of where you keep your condoms.

[00:14:24] Dina: yeah, I keep, I'm gonna show you guys. I'll I'll take a picture of cookie. You guys think I'm I'm joking.

[00:14:29] Natalie: I, um, mine in the bathroom, which really isn't that convenient, but I'm not having a lot of sex currently yet.

cuz the universe is always listening, but mine in the bathroom, sometimes they're in a sea. Like a, uh, aquarium mug. It's like magenta and it has glitter on it. And it's from Newport aquarium. yes, of course. Um, usually they're just in one of my like bathroom, uh, organizer things from Ikea, but you know how we went and painted pottery and I painted a bowl for my crystals.

Oh, that's right. Maybe the next time we go, I paint, a bowl, a turtle for my condoms, like a base, like a base of, I make some like Pinterest craft. where my condoms are like attached to a pipe cleaner and like tissue paper. And it's

[00:15:41] Dina: a hilarious, that's hilarious. Please do that.

[00:15:43] Natalie: Will do. Um, so anyways, I'm 20.

The last thing I want is to be a Virgin. I have the sandwich bag full of tuxedo condoms. I am also semi casually dating a guy back home who works with my mom. he's just so he's just always around. He had a site impairment that he was born with that. Um, so he didn't have a driver's license, like legally, he was not able to drive.

So my mom would drive him places. So he was always around and we would go to the, I think we had been to the movies and maybe out for a meal. We had been out a couple of times. So my, my friend, Stephanie is visiting bag of condoms. Took CDO condom. I got a clear path on how I'm losing my virginity and a nice boy.

I may or may not be dating at the time. I text said waiter from Don Pablo's and I'm like, Hey, what's going on with you? What's happening? Cause I've already baited him into co making the drive once. So I think I can do it again. and he's like, can always do it again. I can always do it again. So he's like, just like finishing up a shift or whatever he is doing, who even knows who even cares, honestly, who even cares I'm on a mission.

You're right. Why, what are you doing? I was like, oh my friend. She's like visiting from back home. She brought me a present and he's like, what did she bring you? And I was like, she brought me. A bag of condoms and they're very classy, condoms, they're tuxedo condoms. They have like a little tuxedo on them and they're just very classy and he's like, oh, what are you gonna do with those?

And I was like, what am I going to do with those immediately interrupted by guy who works with my mom who is drunk with his buddy sending me, like, I think it was like a Tom Jones song or something. It was like, I don't even remember what lyrics he's drunkenly sending me. But finally I like pay attention to him.

And I was like, what are you doing? Like what's happening with this song? Because it's like, it's not unusual to have fun with anyone or something, whatever old song. This is my God. And he's like, I'm finally, like, I'm just trying, I'm asking you to be my girlfriend. He, what, what, so he's not as old as the Don Pablo's waiter.

I thought about Don Pablo's waiter yesterday because I got fajitas from chewies and I been into this tortilla and I could taste the butter in it and it like took me right back to how good Don Pablo's homemade tortillas used to be there. We do I had like a sense memory I was like, dang. So anyways, um, so I'm like basically like lining up a common ban me I'm over being a Virgin date with the waiter.

And now I'm all of a sudden sub guy's girlfriend. I'm like what? In the world? I'm like, oh yeah. OK. That'll be great. and then I like tell the waiter I'm like, I gotta go it's and my best for high school is like, what's happening. I was like, so, Hmm. I guess I could just lose my virginity to my boyfriend.

What a novelty. So then I go home for my look at your face.

[00:20:17] Dina: I'm trying to understand how you went from texting Don Holos guy about condoms to having a boyfriend. I'm

[00:20:27] Natalie: literally, they're literally parallel events.

[00:20:36] Dina: what in the world. This is a roller coaster. That was a good analogy. What in the fridge? Okay. Go on. I'm excited. I'm not sorry. you shouldn't be sorry, but this is like chaos. Oh my God.

[00:20:51] Natalie: holy crap. This is my, this is my story. oh my God. My name is Natalie Catona and I fuck

[00:21:02] Dina: Apparently two different guys, like you got a boyfriend and then you got this like, wow, impressive.


[00:21:10] Natalie: So anyways, I go home for my next school break, which I think correlates to Valentine's day, my boyfriend and I, my first boyfriend and I have a couple of dates and there's like, there's no kissing.

There's no anything. And I was like, I could have done got fucked . But instead I went the moral route and committed to you then that, that weird Valentine's day kiss I've already talked about, happens where I get like a whisper of a kiss. Right.

the worst. And then the worst. And then, and then I, um, and then we actually start like, There's some bed action. There's some like making out there's some heavy petting. We're usually like watching boy mates world on streaming or something. Maybe he had the DVDs. um, I'm all horned up because hot Mr. Turner, do you remember hot, Mr.


[00:22:18] Dina: No, I dunno

[00:22:20] Natalie: who that is. Okay. So on boy meet's world in the early seasons, there was this teacher who Rodee a Mo motorcycle and he wore a leather jacket and he has long curly, dark hair. And his name was Mr. Turner, AKA hot, Mr. Turner. I wanna fuck hot Mr. Turner so bad.

[00:22:40] Dina: my God. You're aggressive right now.

I feel like you're gonna come through the screen and fuck me. I'm scared right now. Should I be scared? I dunno. What's gonna happen.

[00:22:49] Natalie: You are the first. So I was supposed to have book club yesterday and get out all of this like manic socialization. Um, the wind

[00:23:01] Dina: I know it's here guys. So if you hear that we are

[00:23:03] Natalie: also in the middle of a wind store, um, right.

All of our animals are on high alert

[00:23:10] Dina: they really are. My dog is freaking out.

[00:23:13] Natalie: So I, so how do Mr. Oh, I was supposed to have book club yesterday and get rid of all this manic. I need to socialize energy before we recorded today, but then book club got canceled by a man who I tolerate, like he had to blow me off.

Therefore I spent all day yesterday learning how to crochet in the round. Like so sorry for you having to be the person who socializes with me on this day. Okay.

[00:23:42] Dina: That's cool. I just need you to know that I might not be mentally prepared to take all this right now because you know what I did last night.

You wanna know what I did? I stayed up to almost 3:00 AM watching Cheeta girls.

[00:23:56] Natalie: Cheeta girls Chee delicious or whatever. This one, like it was like

[00:24:01] Dina: a need to watch Chah girls. Oh yeah. It is all of those old movies. Those Disney channel movies are all on Disney plus watch Cheeta girls, please. It will take you back.

It take it took me back to my childhood. I was like, wow.

[00:24:17] Natalie: I took a picture of Penelope watching the rain and I listened to Hillary's Hillarys. Come clean. Remember that song?

[00:24:32] Dina: Yeah. Oh my God. Why were we in such a two early two thousands? Like mood? No idea.

[00:24:39] Natalie: So because that's when we lost our Virgin lost Virgin,

this guy and I date we're heavy petting. Like every time he's like, oh, I have to go to bed. I'm a grownup with a job. I'm like, what if we make out more? He carries me back to bed. I tell him, we plan a trip. Um, after we get through my first year of college, cuz we were kind of long distance. So I come home for co from college for the summer and he plans a trip to a cabin in brown county.

He thinks this is the perfect romantic setup to take my virginity. I am impatient

[00:25:33] Dina: a story of my life. I need a t-shirt that says that. So hi inpatient.

[00:25:39] Natalie: He's trying to make it this like whole romantic. We're gonna be away. You lied to your dad. We're. Um, FA and maybe two or three days beforehand, I'm like, I've got a bag of condoms in the car. And he goes, what? I was like, got a sandwich bag

in the car. Cause this, these are the original concepts from my best friend who was looking out for me and he's like, I was like, do you want me to go get them? And he's like, well, I just thought that like, it's your first time. And I thought that we could make it special. And I'm like, I literally give no books.

and so also. My dad has instilled because my sister and I got boyfriends around the same time. So once again, my dad's rules are you graduate high school. You go to college, you get a job, you then marry and fuck a boy, make a baby . So my dad has instilled a curfew on his 20 year old and 19 year old daughter that my mom is not here for.

So she's helping us cover up the fact that we never come home at midnight, dude, your mom's a bro. My mom's a bro. My mom is very sex, positive, love that. So I like looked this guy in the eye and I was like, do you know what I think is gonna be hot? And he's like, what? And I was like, if we fuck before my fake curfew,

[00:27:36] Dina: Because if I'm you put a time limit on that shit I did. I did.

[00:27:41] Natalie: Cause it's probably like around 10 30 and I was like, I'm supposed to be home by midnight. And this whole curfew is to keep me from fucking you. So let's fuck before the curfew. My dad fucking can only happen after midnight.

[00:28:00] Dina: do you know that gift? That's like, do do oh,

[00:28:04] Natalie: Hey, I'm a thinker.

[00:28:07] Dina: exactly.

[00:28:10] Natalie: uh, podcast is a audio medium. So Dena and I are both just tapping our foreheads. And I couldn't think of the

[00:28:18] Dina: words. I was like, what does that mean? Where the guy's like you could fuck before curfew, big brain energy. You know what I'm saying?


[00:28:29] Natalie: Ooh, you can technically technically fuck during any hour of the day.

[00:28:34] Dina: Exactly. It's like your mind just made the connection, but like fucking doesn't only happen after midnight. It

[00:28:41] Natalie: can happen now. So boyfriend number one, and I are going to fuck. He sends me outside to get the car condoms. I don't know if he had condoms in his house or if it was like a, we're gonna use the car condoms, like these condoms that I've just been caring with me.

I mean,

[00:28:59] Dina: I'm excited about them at this point.

[00:29:01] Natalie: Yes. I go to lose my virginity and it is the first time that a penis is going to grace, my vagina. And what I don't realize is my boyfriend at the time is having performance, anxiety. This is the part of the podcast where I would like to plug that when it comes to any Dick in the room, I always have the bigger Dick energy

[00:29:35] Dina: relatable.

[00:29:36] Natalie: And I just scared the insecure dicks. Damn. So I don't even know if my first time counts because of the state of the penis, when it was like trying to grace me

[00:29:55] Dina: oh boy.

[00:29:57] Natalie: It was like, mushy is a term that comes to mind. that's the word we using. And like, you're a Virgin, who's been motor boated once and like grabbed during an episode of America's next top model and has been making out to boy me's world.

Like that is the breadth of my experience. And like, I don't know what to do about this scenario besides just be like. Come on bro. we got this. So we technically have sex twice. And the second time I do believe that everything was in working order. So I like to tell that I fucked twice before my fake curfew.

I don't know. The first time actually counts. We then go on to have that weekend away at brown county, where we lied to my dad and said that we were visiting my friends who were like the summer school, RAs at my college. And like, I was going to stay with one of my girlfriends and he was gonna stay with one of my guy friends, and there was gonna be no bed sharing.

And we fucked a lot that weekend. Ooh, I wrote it till I broke it. Like at some point it caused him too much pain. To continue to have sex. I didn't know how to react to that. yeah. You're like what I was like, I'm sorry. I did what . And so I just like, had to like leave the bedroom and like go downstairs and like read a book and like have a moment to myself where I was like, what just happened?

Is that something that

and that my friends is the story of how I was de flowered. .

[00:31:58] Dina: Wow. I love that you like went on this weekend trip or whatever, and basically broke his penis. Mm-hmm with how much sex you wanted to have love that for

[00:32:08] Natalie: you. Here's the thing. I don't have sex often because I do have to have an emotional connection to the person to be turned on by the person is a.

Mindset that I actively wish I could get over. However, when I do have a willing and able partner, why would we do anything else? I can have sex now?

[00:32:37] Dina: you're right. That's the best

[00:32:40] Natalie: thing. Sorry, not

[00:32:42] Dina: sorry. Yeah, don't be sorry for that for sure. All, I guess it's my turn. Huh? oh man. How am I gonna follow up to that?

Mine is, let me just set this up and decrease expectations because mine is not, mine is very disappointing and I'm sure so many other people can relate to that. Um, I think my, I think I was 18 at the time. Um, and if you remember, if you listened to the last episode, I talked about Tom, and guess what? Tom is making a reappearance in this one.

Good on Tom. Good on Tom. So Tom and I were brought both virgins, um, at that point and he, you know, he was friends with me and my brother, um, and he would come visit us all the time and stay the weekend. Uh, we didn't have like an extra bedroom for him, so he always slept on the couch. And so this. Story. The more I think about it is, is just really kind of crazy because we had sex for the first time and everybody was in the house.

Like my brother was in the house, my mother was in the house.

[00:34:06] Natalie: I'm so proud of you for like pulling this off. Yeah.

[00:34:11] Dina: I don't actually know how we did it and it it's, but because of those things, it there's a level of anxiety because hello, like mm-hmm, sneaking a kiss when other people are in the house is like quick, but like sex, you gotta be somewhat naked to do it.

And so if somebody walks in it's like, how are you gonna hide that? You know what I'm saying? So, uh, yeah, we were very nervous. Both of us on top of it being our first time, like we were just, the environment was nerve wracking. So

[00:34:47] Natalie: I've never had like. Other people, anxiety, like the guy that I was having sex with for the first time he lived with four other guys and he would get really nervous about his roommates hearing us.

He would shush me a lot and we Dina, this is, oh God, this is not a proud moment. Oh, I'm ready. We would mostly have sex on the floor. So the, so his roommate in the room next to us, when I hear the bed moving and be alerted that we were having sex. So, uh, I had sex on the floor. for almost two years.

[00:35:43] Dina: How dare people know that you, you might be having sex scandalous?

And I was

[00:35:50] Natalie: shush. Every time I would make noise during

[00:35:54] Dina: sex. I swear God, somebody, if somebody stressed me, I would smack the shit out of them. Well, you know

[00:36:00] Natalie: what I did, I just stopped reacting at all. I went ragdoll limp because I'm petty. Oh yeah. Like, oh fucking shush me. You want me to be quiet? Uh, dead. Now you're having sex dead with a dead lady fun.

And he like tapped me. And he was like, no, that's not what I meant. I was like, I'm

person. I'm a dead person. you just went li right. I did, because I'm not afraid to be petty in the bedroom.

[00:36:38] Dina: honestly. I'm gonna start doing that. That's hilarious. Tell me to be quiet, motherfucker. I will wreck you

[00:36:45] Natalie: so I've never had look like boy, your anxiety, but I understand I have had

sex with people who don't want other people to know that they're having sex.

[00:36:56] Dina: Yes. So we had to be super quiet and you know, we're on the couch, which is already not, you know, this isn't a huge couch. It's just a normal, like normal couch, not a sectional or anything like that. So there's not a whole lot of room or anything. It's super dark. We're like whispering. And I think Tom like went to like touch me to do some foreplay and stuff.

Like obviously we were kissing, but like he, he went to like, you know, touch my goods and I was just like, First of all, there's a few things happening here. I'm anxiety because I'm like, we can't take long. And then there's the, I know nothing about my body. I'm hate my body. I don't care about my own pleasure.

Like I just wanna do the deed, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm I just wanna get him in me and like do it. And so I'm just like, nah, don't do that. Don't don't touch me. Let's just do it like right now. So, um, there was just a general sense of anxiety about the whole thing like that. The, uh, and I think the media, as we've talked about before, kind of sets that up because there isn't like, there isn't anything.

How do I wanna say this? Like they in movies and stuff. Mm-hmm they just show banging and then it's over. There's no foreplay. There's no like pleasure for the girl or anything like that. It's just let's do the thing and be done. And so that was like my mindset. We need to just get him in, get him out.

We're done. And since this was his first time too, it was like awkward missionary on the couch. and then there's the moment of like, okay, where do I put it? Like, where's the, where's the whole, and, and I'm like, so I'll stick my hand down there. I'm like,

[00:38:46] Natalie: you gotta like put it in the there's GLI. good on, Hey, good on you for even knowing the basic anatomy of it, because let me tell you something about sex education in America.

I ask me what I know about my own reproductive parts, because it's very little .

[00:39:08] Dina: Yeah. They don't teach you at all here. It's terrible. So I kind of help 'em out and, um, we, we get it in there. It's literally two seconds. Natalie, like it's two seconds and he's done and yep. and it's over. And I mean, I felt accomplished, like I had done something I'm like, I did it guys.

I made him feel good. And that's all that matters. Now, obviously looking back on that that's fucking depressing. Like, I mean, that, that, that was all that mattered was getting him off. So there's my sad story. And then we quickly got addressed and we were done. Like, there was nothing after it and, and, you know, I don't blame him because I was like pushing him to like, let's go, let's do this.

Let's get it over with kind of a thing. I,

[00:40:04] Natalie: Hmm. I've always been in a position where I have been having sex with someone who hangs out afterwards. like, there's some like

after COAs affection

[00:40:28] Dina: yeah. I think I have issues with like what to do after too, cuz I feel like I'm not a big cuddler or anything like that. Like I'm not a person that just wants to like lay in in the moment, like enjoy it. I'm like, okay, well like now what I've I've achieved the mission.

[00:40:47] Natalie: I love just having comedy bits where we just joke around what we're usually joking around about.

[00:40:56] Dina: See, I love

[00:40:57] Natalie: that I am a person who, and it's probably because I usually don't achieve orgasm through penetration. I, so after men come cuz they always do.

Soft gentle sleep for them. Me. However, I have all of this adrenaline built up and I'm like, why are you sleeping? Why are you sleeping? I can't sleep. Can't sleep. all these chemicals rushing through my body. And you think I can just sleep? Absolutely not. Hang with you. What am I supposed to phone? My girlfriends now?

I'll just, TikTok was not a thing when I was starting to have sex. Couldn't just get on TikTok.

[00:41:47] Dina: yeah, dude, I think there's something wrong with me because immediately, normally after sex I'm like, get the fuck off of me. Like get away from me. Don't touch me. I'm over. I'm like the, the man is done to me essentially by that point, I'm like, mm, you are no longer useful.


[00:42:10] Natalie: So I think because we had the parents that we had, um, we do, I think it would be a little insightful to all of our new friends who are listening to us. um, know about our virginity, but also our ideas of purity. Have you read the purity myth by Jessica Valenti?

[00:42:35] Dina: No, I have

[00:42:36] Natalie: not. Okay. So I read it as part of book club after we read a guide to gender, because I love nothing more than to be angry.

about all of the societal viewpoints that are pushed on women. So we read the purity myth and I found. I was going through my notes. from

[00:42:58] Dina: book my God. You love notes. What

[00:43:00] Natalie: the heck? Yeah. I take notes for book club and like, so she has us like go through her definition of virginity and then has us like craft our own definition of virginity.

So like I wrote out mine and it was as a child, I was taught that staying away from sex was imperative to my morality, but it was also necessary to have a fully functioning life because it meant I wouldn't get pregnant. Dang. And then in college or my early adult years, my mom was all of a sudden, way more enthused by the idea of me having sex.

And then as an adult who has had multiple sex partners, I view virginity as a way to stifle healthy sexual relationships and as a way for society to demean control and disgrace women.

[00:44:00] Dina: Wow. And

[00:44:03] Natalie: again, I've never had sex with a Virgin male. I've never sacrificed a Virgin male at Myar

[00:44:13] Dina: honestly, one of my be I, I love that.

I love virgins. I love corrupting them.

[00:44:20] Natalie: So I I've never had a lot of conversations with men about their virginity, but I do feel like the whole mythology around virginity because virginity isn't real. Like I need to make that point 100% clear. Virginity is a made up. Cultural term, like we made it up. So like Dina's mom tried to take her to a doctor to prove her virginity.

There's no medical indicator of virginity. Like we perpetuate this myth that like, you can check out a lady's hymen and if it's broken, she's a whore, don't marry her, but you can get your hymen broken by riding a bike.

[00:45:13] Dina: right. And you can also put tampons in and not break your hymen also

[00:45:20] Natalie: that

[00:45:21] Dina: you can, oh, we weren't allowed to use tampons by the way.

Like, I was not allowed to use a tampon cuz it would take my Virgin. can you imagine a tampon?

[00:45:31] Natalie: Yeah. I was afraid to use tampons probably because I learned about my period through a book and couldn't figure out all of the mechanics

[00:45:41] Dina: yeah. We need to do like a whole episode on that. If we can on tampons, how men on no on menstruation and like on menstruation, how men like deal with it.

How partners have dealt it. Cuz there's so many spectrums of it. Oh,

[00:45:57] Natalie: there's feel so many men think that our periods are 100% their business. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So, so there's no medical definition of virginity. It is something that we, as a society, as a human race have made up and there are clear repercussions for women because of this idea of virginity.

[00:46:26] Dina: Yeah. For sure.

[00:46:28] Natalie: We instill in our daughters, all of these mindsets about purity, about like being ready for your husband. I listen to the self helpless podcast and Taylor Toon is always talking about how she was told from a very early age that if someone had sex with you, you were like cheating on a future partner.

And so at you were cheating on a future spouse. And so were they, they were basically a person who didn't actually love you because they were cheating. They were like somehow cheating on you, but also cheating on their future spouse. Like it was all, whoa,

[00:47:14] Dina: there's so much shame and guilt associated with it.

like in, at least in my Muslim, like family household, it was like you, if you are not a Virgin, you're essentially useless to men at that point to a future husband. Um, no one will want you, and you'll also bring disgrace to your family. Like you will shame your family name if anybody finds out.

[00:47:44] Natalie: Right. And with the idea of the virginal bride, there also becomes this, like this like overarching pressure in your life where you walk into listen.

I've had tits since I've been in the fifth grade, like same these double DS, probably triple DS. AO have been with me since I could even conceptualize. What a guy might think about my body, what anyone might think of my body. So as a woman, you carry into every room that you are in knowing that any man's sexual feelings, thoughts, actions are a direct consequence of you just existing.

[00:48:42] Dina: Ugh. Ugh. I know. I fucking hate

[00:48:44] Natalie: that. I fucking hate it. And it's why I get so amped up about dress codes. Like women being sent home from high school because they're wearing a spaghetti strap and it's like, so Johnny's inappropriate thoughts about my shoulders means I can't learn chemistry today. What if I was gonna cure cancer one day?

[00:49:06] Dina: God, . That is so stupid. I know.

[00:49:12] Natalie: And. I remember. So in my book club, it was two women and a male. And I asked my friend, this man who I've tolerated, I was like, is it insulting to men to just be given this narrative that you cannot and will not control yourself?

[00:49:38] Dina: Right. That's what I, I would be insulted if someone thought that I could not

control my right, my

[00:49:46] Natalie: urges and like the codependency of it all, where it's like, men's moral standing is on me and I should cover up my body and not be allow owed, proud, sexually positive woman, because then that makes all men open to being bad people.

However, There's also this flip where now every man walks into a room and every man in the room is responsible for my virginity and my purity.

[00:50:16] Dina: Oh my God. Ew.

[00:50:20] Natalie: No wonder. I've never been in love or had a healthy relationship. Damn. Mm-hmm she has an entire, like chapter called forever young. And it's about the connection of like virginity is just another way for us to fetishize young girls and keeping women young and pure and child life. Ugh,

[00:50:46] Dina: disgusting. Literally.

[00:50:48] Natalie: Ew. Before you were a sexually active person, like before I was a sexually active person, I was a girl who let her guy friends grab her tits all the time for a joke. because I had big tips and they were always in the way. So if you bump them in the cafeteria line or you honked them in class, like, of course you did, they're giant and they're in everyone's way.

And like, but I was also never the girl that anyone took out on a date or tried to take their virginity. Like the next guy I would fuck after the guy that I, who took my virginity actively said to me one night, oh yeah, I couldn't have sex with you while you were a Virgin. That's too much responsibility.

He's like, you know, the attachment of it all and stuff. I was like, did you ever think that I'm attached to you because we've been quote unquote best friends and our little toxic friendship for literally six years for most of my adult life. You've been a male figure, like in my life and a friend, and maybe I'm attached to the idea of having sex with you because for six years we've just been sex smoldering, one another.

[00:52:03] Dina: right. And what is this idea that if you, people who have their virginity still are like gonna cling or something, what is that? I don't know

[00:52:16] Natalie: what the heck. I was also told my freshman year of college by another male friend. He was shocked to find out that I was a Virgin. And when I asked him why he said, you don't walk like a Virgin, you have too much of a swagger to the way you enter a room.

So basically I'm confident and a boisterous personality. Therefore there's no way I'm pure

[00:52:43] Dina: Jesus. Mm-hmm , that's kind of fucked, isn't it? Yeah. Uh, wow. Okay. We need some, some manifestations we do

[00:52:54] Natalie: from those. That was a whole lot yeah. I, I suggest a, a lot of the statistics, um, are outdated. The book was about 10 years old when I read it about a year ago, maybe two years ago.

But I suggest that if you are a woman who wants insight to how you feel about your sexuality, um, the way you lost your virginity and why you might be having it a hard time, connecting to the men who are also your sexual partners, like read the book. I have pages and multiple pen colors of like, oh, this is why

This is how I was set up to feel this way about my own body autonomy. And please, if you've read the book and you have any insights that you would like to sign my way, please DM me on Instagram. I love chatting about books. we have a chat. All right. So manifestations. Yes. Um, first off, when I was reading the book, they had us do an exercise where maybe instead of putting value on women's bodies and only their purity attached to their bodies, we instill these values to women, and then she prompted us to make up our own values.

And, um, this is what I would like to manifest for every woman who is listening today, be kind to yourself. I hope that you love yourself so you can love others. I hope that you have hobbies. You're passionate about. Um, I hope you're learned in something you love. I hope that you are always able to pay your own way, embrace your body and find the things you love about it.

Have a troop of strong women to look to for guidance, have your own Covin. I hope that you are loud and take up space. I hope that you confidence will get you places instead of being a wall to your goals. And I hope that you always take time to reflect and refocus whenever you can. If those were things that I was taught as a young kid, instead of high school, college job, marry a boy, have his baby, the things I would've done.

Yeah. And then I do have, so I just found those manifestations today, but for my, for my manifestation about the virginity and. The guy who took, I hate the phrase, the guy who took my virginity for the guy that I had sex with for the first time. I hope for myself past partners and future partners, that we are all working towards honest communication about good sex, because I definitely wasn't having it with my first partners.

[00:56:06] Dina: Yeah. Here, here. So for me, I think, um, what, Tom's, what I learned through my first sexual experience, uh, was. That I, I think I taught myself that I don't, that I don't matter in the equation, which isn't true. Right. Like, right. You matter, just as much as your partner, when you're having sex, don't be ashamed for wanting pleasure for yourself.

If that makes sense. So I think there are even moments still now where I'm with a partner and I am worried, or that I'm taking too long to orgasm or that the person's not enjoying it and all this stuff. You're so worried about the other person take the time to, for your own pleasure and don't be ashamed of yourself or your body or anything.

Uh, Sex is, is to be it's to be enjoyed. And so I hope, uh, for my future self and my future partners, I hope we, I, we can have a mutual level of pleasure and communication when having sex and that I'll continue to become comfortable with my body and not be ashamed. So

[00:57:29] Natalie: no shame on this day. Hell no, hell no.

I'll do a couple quick plugs at this point. We have three episodes. So we mass released these episodes to get people acquainted to who we are as people. Woo. Um, woo. From this point you should, uh, expect a episode weekly. Yep. Um, and we'll let you know if that changes. You can follow us at men. I've tolerated pod on Instagram.

Um, hopefully you've already been interacting with us because, uh, we're going to be hosting questions, polls, pictures, um, and the more you interact with us, the more we can feel like this community can grow. And I truly feel like especially today's conversation, we tend to be really fun, but today was really important on yeah.

Changing. How we view sex and relationships. And so you can also follow me at Natalie K 1 24, that's my Instagram handle. And, um, feel free to always reach out and also let us know in your message. If you're not comfortable with us sharing your story, like you just want connection for a moment. We understand that too.

Or if you are comfortable with us sharing your story, but you would like us to change names like we're willing and able to make all accommodations.

[00:59:15] Dina: For sure. And you can follow me on Instagram as well, if you want. Uh, my handle is Ms. Period Cabo. So miss Cabo, uh, that's my online handle. I also use that handle for Twitch and, uh, my other social media.

So if you're a gamer and you wanna watch me stream some games, then catch me on Twitch sometime. And I'd love to, to hear from you

[00:59:39] Natalie: guys. All right, everyone stay positive and keep manifesting out there.

[00:59:45] Dina: Yes. Stay safe and enjoy sex. Ugh.

[00:59:49] Natalie: Enjoy all the sex. Enjoy all of it safely, safely. that's important.

Important, but also enjoy yourselves. Exactly. All right. Uh, we'll see you next week. All right.

[01:00:04] Dina: See you

[01:00:09] Natalie: guys.

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