For the first episode of To All The Men I’ve Tolerated Before, Natalie and Dina are taking themselves back to where it all began, their first crushes. They share some laughs over their common mistake, never making the first move. Relive with them as they discuss all the men they had to watch date other people because they weren’t as bold and confident as they are today.
To All The Men I’ve Tolerated Before is a weekly podcast where two best friends reclaim the narrative about their relationships. Natalie and Dina have spent a lot of time hearing other people’s opinions on their lives, now it’s their turn to voice their stories! Each week the friends will laugh through the highlights of the relationship, discuss how they grew and why they’re thankful the relationship took place, and then leave everyone better off with some positive manifestations.
To All The Men I’ve Tolerated Before can be downloaded wherever you listen to podcasts!
Follow us at @menivetoleratedpod, @nataliek124, and @ms.caboose on Instagram! Make sure to like, subscribe, and review so Natalie and Dina can send some good vibes and positive manifestations your way as well!
Find the Episode Wherever You Find Podcasts:
Support the Show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/menivetoleratedpod
Transcript of Episode:
Natalie: [00:00:00] All right. Hi,
Hi, good morning. Good morning.
episode one. Woo. Woo. All right. This is to all the men I've tolerated before with your host, Natalie Catona and Dina Alka. All right. And basically we are here as two women who have had a varied and yet similar set of relationships with men, the opposite sex, and we chose the word tolerated because I personally.
Have felt like I've never been in love, but I [00:01:00] have found myself in relationships with men where I have either enjoyed their company or tolerated their company. do you feel like that's pretty accurate?
Dina: That's true. That's true. Yeah. I'd say that's pretty accurate.
Natalie: Yeah. And what we'll be doing each week is we will be writing a thank you card.
To a certain set of men that have been with us on this journey called life and will reflect on what they've taught us. And then hopefully by the end of the episode, we've reflected and refocused enough that we will have some positive manifestations for each other, which we always do it for each other.
Um, but also for these men who have affected us. in either a positive or negative
Dina: fashion. that's right. Hopefully we can get [00:02:00] some positives out of, out of these stories.
Natalie: We're all about the good vibes. We're all about the good vibes. Yeah. Good vibes here. We're in a new moon phase. it's time for new here for it.
It's time for new beginnings. It's time for new outlooks and it's gonna be great.
Dina: I agree.
Natalie: My glasses are completely fogging. Because I'm hot because I just slurp down my coffee to be ready.
Dina: what a mood though. Honestly, it's a good look. It is a good look. Listen, it's Sunday. You're no, one's requiring that. We look good for this. It's it's
Natalie: a day after Halloween.
Dina: yeah. That's no requirements for the day
Natalie: after Halloween. No. And it was quarantine Halloween. So you either went hard or you were just sad.
Dina: I feel like I was in that sad group, so, but that's fine. We did, we did [00:03:00] something fun though. Good, good. Yeah.
Natalie: All right. So today's topic, this week's topic. We're gonna delve into our. Crushes those first men slash boys, because I'm sure we were young when we had our first crushes who just got our brains fired up.
So do you want me to start or are you ready to start?
Dina: Yeah, you can go first.
Natalie: Um, so my first crush. Is I think what I would call one of my false dramatic memories because , we used to have this picture from a school trip and I only went to the school for like one year. And it was my second grade year and me and this boy are in almost matching wind breakers.
And we're sitting on like a ferry in Chicago because [00:04:00] it was. planes, trains and automobiles field trip, unit of
mm. So like, and my mom , this field trip. So like we took the train and we took a bus tour of Chicago, and then we took a tour of like O'Hare airport or something. And then we, um, and we ended up on a ferry on the river.
so me and this, like, boy are like huddled together and oh, like I know. And we have like these, these little windbreakers and my mom stabbed a picture and like my dumb, dumb, romantic brain is like, this is the setting of a perfect hallmark movie where like, , we're like we find one another again, over our love of windbreakers and we both, you know what.
Dina: That's so cute. First of all, and I'm not surprised at all that this is how your brain functions, right. With your first crush, cuz [00:05:00] mine is the complete offices. So this is
Natalie: exciting. Yeah. And like, we both have the copy of the same picture, which I don't even have the picture it's like in my dad's basement or something amongst all of these other pictures.
But like, and we like start dating. Like we meet on the internet. . And, and then we find out that we both have this picture
Dina: oh my God. So yes, this
Natalie: is like a movie, right? Because that's what my brain does. My brain takes like normal situations and goes, but what if we made it an Oscar award winning picture?
Dina: it's, it's all your
Natalie: whole, life's a movie. My whole life is a movie. And what ended up. Yeah. And what ended up happening is like, then my brain got wired to just have crushes on all of my guy, friends. Like as soon as we oh yeah. As soon as we [00:06:00] had like that little connection of like we're buddies, I'd be like, we're in love.
Dina: dang. You went full zero to 70 with all your guy friends dang.
Natalie: Or like eventually in mu in middle school. It was just like the nearest guy to me. oh my God. Because in middle school it was this boy who just sat behind me. In English class. I'm like, Ooh, he can read and play football. My heart, my heart. Oh my God.
And it's so funny when you have a crush because you like idolize everything that they do reflecting back on it. The only reason I talk to the guy who sat behind me is because his buddy sat next to me. And he was the funny one, always engaging me in conversations and. Joking with me and getting sarcastic with me.
And I'm just like all Moony eyed [00:07:00] over his like redheaded best friend. And I'm like, mm-hmm but what does he have to say? me. Meanwhile, his buddy is the better catch cuz he has things like a personality and a sense of humor and I'm like mm-hmm but what about your like strong and silent type? Right here behind me.
like, like I hear you, but could your friend be talking to me?
Dina: I just imagine you intensely staring at this poor kid. Who's like just, just nothing in his brain, like in that moment, but you're just like staring at him wanting wantingly and his
Natalie: sister, like my friend, my best friend from high school. And I have always talked about like the dumbest reasons we would fall in love with someone I thought we were destined to be because his younger sister was in my sister's.
and her name was also Natalie. So I was like, [00:08:00] oh, mm, we have so much in common. my, my best friend in high school, her crush throughout middle school and high school. It was because they shared the same birthday and she's like, we're meant to be .
Dina: Oh my God. You know, that is so hilarious. You just like connect.
Whatever coincidence. It it's a sign from God or life or the universe, the universe that you're meant to be together.
Natalie: And then you have to understand that in middle school, I was a mess like my aunt permed my hair in my grandmother's kitchen. So I have like lion keen Broadway level perm, and I've got.
Thick glasses. It's the, it's not, it's like the late nineties, early odds and like fashion. Isn't a thing for middle schoolers. And like, everything's so dramatic [00:09:00] and I'm that typical, like doesn't know what to do with her body person. Like. Crying every night, because like, he still didn't take me to the dance.
No one was taking anyone to dances. oh my God. But I'm like, why won't he notice me? his friend thinks I'm just tears. Right? Just tears, just writing his name over and over again in my journal. oh
Dina: my God. You've always been extra. This is what I'm learning from this. Yeah,
Natalie: I've always,
Dina: yes. you've always been this
Wait, did you think I just like woke up one day and was like, I'll just be really dramatic from here on out.
Dina: kind of like, kind of like, you know, because my, or at least for me, my personality, I feel like has changed. Like I've evolved over that, uh, time, but it just like you came out of a womb. B J [00:10:00] Natalie, Catona like ready to just wreck the world.
Love that. I feel like I didn't come out like that. I came out like, where, why am I here? What am I doing?
Natalie: I didn't ask to be here. you're right. What is this? Well, the thing of it is, is like when I was younger, I just internalized it and my brain was so extra. and it would just like explode into spurts that no one saw coming, but then I hit like college and I'm like, no, I'm just going to vocalize all of my thoughts and hearts desires.
And then people who were still like, we don't know what to do with that. we don't know silence.
Dina: Oh my God.
Natalie: Like in high school it was like, literally my closest guy. like, I, okay. I would just like, be that awful, like gal P friend, who would be [00:11:00] just like, and then one day he'll wake up and he'll realize that we've been friends for years and that I'm his soulmate.
And like, I would just like, Christ with emotion that Colby Colette song realize I would be like, if you just realize, would I just realize that we are perfect for each other and just like cry and be like, why my God why are you dating her when I've realized? And you need to realize that was my.
Dina: Okay, wait, but did it happen?
Did you guys like, so did you ever get with these,
Natalie: these, my first, my bur my first best friend crush dated my best friend, like freshman, sophomore year of high school, not the best friend that I'm like currently best friends with from high school, but like a girl that like [00:12:00] I friend dumped in college. so.
That was a whole dramatic thing. Right. Because they had to have like an intervention with me to be like, so we've decided to date. And I had to like really hold my shit together and be like, that's wonderful. I love when friends find love and then just like, and then. That was around the time that like rent became very important to my life.
And I would just play, take me or leave me on a loop. oh my God. Because then I got it in my head. I'm like, I'm just, I'm just too much for the men that I have crushes on. And, and they've decided to leave me because they can't take me. And I would just, it was my MySpace. Remember when MySpace
Dina: was a thing.
Oh, I remember. I do remember. Wow. I'm picturing all
Natalie: this. Yes. Which was, I think it's a bold move [00:13:00] for like to be in the early two thousands. Cuz I graduated high school in 2007 to have, take me or leave me as your MySpace on with how homophobic the early knots. like how I didn't get cyber bullied. um, you dodged a bullet
Natalie: I dodged it. And then that friend who was dating my best guy, friend, who I was in love with eventually dated a guy who was older than us. And then through her, he and I became really good friends. And then he would dump her and date these other girls and I'm, and I'd be like, but no, What about I've been here the entire time and we would have dang well, and we're gonna have to have like an entire episode on him cuz we, I would describe what we have as like a low simmer where you're just waiting for it to [00:14:00] happen.
And like, but it didn't happen until after I graduated college. . so we did eventually. Oh yeah, it happened. We're gonna have to have an entire epi, like on the slow burn. Oh. Because I love that. Yeah. It eventually happened, but it didn't happen when like any of the times that I thought it would happen. And we had like an explosive friendship where we were always like really high or really low.
Dina: yeah. Ooh, this sounds like fire. Now this sounds like a movie. Like it finally happens and it's like, yeah, like
Natalie: explosion. I think he was my first hit of like adrenaline addiction where it's just like high highs and low lows. And you're just like what?
Dina: Everything's everything's manic and on fire.
Yeah. And then I had
Natalie: another guy who was in my speech and debate class that I had a huge [00:15:00] crush. and he, he and my neighbor would just pass back and forth. This one girl who we all like knew was mean. Like we were like, but she's mean, and we would talk openly about how mean she is. and then I'd go to school dances on my own.
And he and her would go together and then she would eventually get mad at him and not talk to him for the rest of the dance. So then he just like somber over and be like, well, I guess I'm hanging out with Natalie, Natalie. You wanna dance? dang. So I was at chicken high school. I didn't date because I was just waiting.
Oh, I didn't. Yeah. I didn't date in high school cuz I was just waiting for all of these guys to as Colby col. My first goddess would tell you would realize
Dina: Gobi, Colette. She [00:16:00] sings our stories from, from her art. She sings.
Natalie: She sees every once in a while, that song will pop up on my iPod, cuz I still keep my original iPod that ha that could like shuffle through my entire childhood and that song will pop up and I'll. Oh, God, if you could just realize
Dina: how did you know Colby?
Natalie: Just how did you know? And like, I think she also did that, like that starts in my toes makes me wrinkle by nose. And I was like, that's how I feel about these men. these boys, these boys who are never gonna date me. Aww or like, give me the emotional support that I need.
Dina: I feel this so hard right now. I know.
Natalie: I mean like, dang, [00:17:00] how did crushes go for you?
Dina: Oh God. Not like that. I've never bit . So take your situation of like the exact, like, pretty much the exact opposite. So I wasn't super into. relation like boys, like, I wasn't like interested in it growing up, I would say until probably like late high school.
And then after I graduated high school is when I really started. But my first crush that I can remember was in sixth grade. And we're gonna call this guy, Roger that's
Natalie: right. Cause we're not using names. Yeah.
Dina: That's worth noting that none of. None of these names we mention are the real names.
Natalie: So, cause I don't want them to at me and now think that they have a chance with me.
Dina: exactly. Please stay out of my life. And
Natalie: my D and most importantly, my DMS [00:18:00]
Dina: we don't want you coming back. Okay. Stay out of our lives at our DMS, all Roger yourself, except yeah. If you're like a, you know, a new person. Yeah. You know, we can talk. He's fine.
Natalie: Right. But I
Dina: want your, probably never gonna talk to Roger
Natalie: again, but I want your therapist as a reference
Dina: oh, for sure.
For sure. She's she did she, or he, or that person? That therapist did some work. All right. So Roger sixth grade, Roger. Um, I didn't know how to act like, I don't even know if like back then. If I knew I had a crush, really, like, I just knew that I liked this boy, you know, like that I vibed with this boy. Um, he was so cool.
He was like the boy in class that like, like didn't talk much was kind of just like too cool for school [00:19:00] basically. And he was into Ramstein. Like he, he, and I thought that was just the coolest thing in the world. Like he liked an international band, like, Ooh, you know, the Ramstein boys who were like slightly like metal, but not super metal, you know, he's in sixth
Natalie: grade and he's so hardcore
Dina: Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I thought as sixth grade Dina. And he like, you know, I've always been a gamer. Like I grew up a gamer, like. I was little, little, so like he was into like strategy games. Oh. Like he was like a, like an age of empires type, like gotta use that big brain energy type guy. Yeah.
So I was just like, Ooh, look at this big brain energy guide. Like. . Um, and so that was like, I didn't, at that point, I didn't know how to express my feelings or even express through actions like that. I liked this guy. Um, so I would just like talk to [00:20:00] him and hang out with him because, you know, I liked games.
So we had things in common. There were reasons for him to talk to me. um, but this is what happened with Roger. There were, there was this cool girl, like cool, pretty popular girl named Amanda. And as soon as like, I think she noticed that I was giving Roger, like, like that I was hanging out with him and like, I could potentially like him.
She swooped miss Amanda. She swooped in with her blonde hair and her bubbly energy, her blowout. And she started giving. Yes. She started giving him, you know, attention from this, like, you know, you know, the bubbly girls mm-hmm, that just like naturally flirt with everybody, um, nothing wrong with those girls.
But like, at that time complete opposite of who I am as a person. Um, she, she just came in and, and counting, yanked him and stole him and, uh, they started dating and then I was just [00:21:00] like, I don't know what to do now. Um, guess I'm done with Roger. I, I think eventually, like before we graduated and I ended up moving away, I think I wrote like a note or something or like wrote him a letter and then like nothing became of it.
You wrote him a letter? I think I just wrote him like a letter, cuz that's like, what you, I don't know if you guys did that, you would write like notes and stuff. Yeah. Instead of like, we weren't like writing like emails and stuff, we were just writing notes. so I wrote him a note and then that was pretty much it with, with Roger.
I think like back when I was in college, I think I found him on Facebook or something and I was like, Ooh, let me like, send him a friend request. Nah, he was like, don't want nothing to do with
Natalie: that. You know, that's how my sister got married. Like, are you serious? Yeah. So her and my brother-in-law. like [00:22:00] classmates, I wouldn't even qualify them as friends, but they like had the same English class together and like sat together.
And Emily always had a crush on my brother-in-law Z, I guess I can use their names. and he, um, as she would like hint really hard that she wanted him to take her to their senior pro. And like, he was just oblivious. And then through the power of the internet and Facebook, they became friends and then started dating.
And now they're married people in college, like that all happened in college. So
Dina: what you're saying is that me and Roger sh it, it, we missed our chance basically, right? Basically like
Natalie: don't Roger, you need to slip into his DMS and be like, no, this could really work.
Dina: For real, you know what? I think he might be married now or something.
I, I knew he was like in a relationship or something, so it [00:23:00] definitely wasn't gonna happen, but we could have had a chance, man. We could have, we were both gamers. There were reasons for us to be together.
Natalie: At least the two of you had like a baseline. of what you had in common to talk about? I would just like, pretend that I had things in common with these men.
Like I oh, okay. For the one that I eventually hooked up with after college, like I was like, I love Dane cook and I was just like memorize all of Dane Cook's comedy and like, oh my God saw Dan cook live in college to brag to this man about it. Like in, but then you
Dina: were one of the, you were like adopt the whole personality of the guy.
Natalie: girl? Yes. And then like for the one who was in speech and debate with me where we became like friends, I like joined his improv troop, like, oh my God girl. I like, he was my mentor. [00:24:00] in speech. Oh my God. Debate. .
Dina: You went hard though. You put in the work, you were trying put in the work, put in the work you put in the work.
Natalie: And I was like, yes. I was like, I'm just gonna always be here. So you can't not see me.
Dina: they can't turn you down. If you're always there. It'll just naturally turn into like you being there for the rest of your life.
Natalie: Yeah, I'm always
Dina: here. Oh my God. I'm always here. Stage 50 clinger right there. I love that.
Natalie: you. it clearly worked out 32 years old. Still. No rain on this. I don't even allow men in my home anymore. Every time a male energy enters our home Penelope, my cat is like, Ew. like, that's that? What is this? Ugh.
Dina: It tastes like old spice. [00:25:00] Masculinity.
Natalie: Right. It's like old spices and masculinity.
Dina: get that energy out of here. Remember being
Natalie: a young, oh my God. That's hilarious. Remember being a young woman and having to pretend that AXS body spray smelled sexy while you're like choking. Oh no, you're choking. And your eyes are watering and you're like, you smell so good.
Dina: I hated that face. I was like, I don't understand the only good thing about the ax commercial or no, it wasn't even ax the, the old, old spice commercials.
Yes. Oh, those were so good. That man's beautiful. All right. So I have one other known crush that I can like, remember, and that is, we're gonna call this guy, Chad. So this guy, Chad, if you haven't caught on, I'm basically just taking the first letter and like changing the name to a D. So this guy's name started with a C and I changed it to, so if you're
Natalie: a man in Dino's past, and you're trying to do code whether or not we're [00:26:00] talking about you,
Dina: here it is.
Yeah, man, hit me up. If you want me to use your real name, if you want me to use your real name, I'll be happy to, but I haven't talked, I haven't talked to Chad in a very long time. So, um, Chad, this was like freshman year, I would say. And it kind of continued throughout, um, Throughout high school, but I think it, I kind of lost interest when I realized girl it ain't happening, but, um, he was like this blonde gamer upperclassman.
So like, here's my thing. It's like I was with, I was pretty much attracted to people who had similar interests to me. So like most of the, almost all the people I've dated have been gamers. Um, but he was the first person that I was. physically. I remember being attracted to him. I was like, Ooh, he had like this blonde, like, I mean, it looked like Justin Bieber hair, basically.
Like it was so cute. Um, and he, he [00:27:00] talked with a lisp, which I thought was the cutest thing in the world. I was like, I would just SWO basically internally, not visibly. Because I don't know how to actually SWO, concealed don't feel right. And so he had these like broad shoulders and I was like, Ooh, He kind of built like a DF, you know, like how DFS, like in lower, the rings are like, like they got them thick shoulders.
That's what, that's what he was like. And I was like, Ooh, I kinda like them big manly shoulders. I remember thinking that you're telling him
Natalie: is Gimley from Lord of the rings,
Dina: I guess at that time. Yeah. I was like mad hyped for, for people that look
Natalie: like gambling. Who's the actual hot dwarf from the Hobbit series that like Lee D.
Dina: Oh, oh, well, I always like, um, Philly and Kelly, they're like the young dos they're they're like
Natalie: the, but I don't like pretty boys. Like I literally like that lead. You just like want, it looks like he's murdered an entire [00:28:00] village.
Dina: Exactly. So his shoulders gave me like those vibes and I was like, mm, feeling this, you know, um, I, I never approached him about how I felt or anything.
I just like joined the, there was like a new video game club. So I joined the video game club just to like, he was like the leader. I think, of the, of that club. He, uh, he led it and so I would just like go and play. I think really played like super smash brothers. I would just go just to hang out with him because I didn't know actually how.
tell tell anyone that how I
Natalie: feel's like mashing buttons furiously in your sexual tension.
Dina: Yeah. Like I'm like mashing buttons that secretly like staring at him, like, oh my God. Trying. And he was like,
Natalie: trying was cute. Telepathically. Tell him, I wish I was mashing your buttons. exactly
Dina: like, Ooh. Yes. And I think similar to you, it [00:29:00] was just.
Well, if I hang around him, maybe he'll notice me kind of a thing. Um, but I definitely like, at that point in my life, wasn't like making moves. Like I, I didn't think I was pretty, I didn't think there was any reason for him to like want me or to be in relationship with me. And so I just kind of hung around.
and he was really cute. So he, he always had a girlfriend or like was interested in someone and he was always talking to the girls that were like naturally pretty. And just like, you know, you see pretty girls and that's who he is talking with. So there to, in my mind, there was like, it's probably never gonna happen.
Natalie: I definitely still carry over like ugly girl in high school vibes where I'm like, you guys don't understand. The very minimal glow up that I've gone through. like, it is a glow up. It's minimal . But I do like carry [00:30:00] that like ugly girl in high school attitude. Like my, oh yeah. It just felt like
Dina: it would never happen.
No, for us, you know? No, like no one, no, no one would ever be interested. You know what I mean? Right. It
Natalie: didn't matter how funny I was or if I was literally always there, like I was. Epitome of that meme of a, like, it's like your funny girl, best friend. And he looking over his shoulder at like, but the hot, popular chick, he don't really have a chance with like,
Dina: you know, here's jokes on them though, because we got mad personality now.
Dina: so, cause we didn't care. Like we, we weren't getting with boys. So we were like, and we're funny.
Natalie: Look at us. Hey, we're funny.
Dina: Silently crying alone in our bed. We're
Natalie: moderately successful in life.
Dina: oh my God. That's
Natalie: [00:31:00] hilarious. Jokes on you. We learned how to compensate sexually by doing the stuff other chicks won't do. do like
Dina: dang. How far we've come though, from, from where? From where those crushes
Natalie: were. Oh yeah. I mean, like, you talked about how one of your thing was to just like join their activity.
I would also like buy gifts because the whole thing was like, they were my friends, so it wasn't weird to give them presence. So I'd be like, I saw this. And I thought of you. So like, I remember like hand, I went to like free comic book day or something, and they were handing out like Daredevil figurines.
And I was like, his favorite superhero is Daredevil. And he was like, why do I have this? And I'm like, Because one day you'll give it to our children.[00:32:00]
Dina: duh, one day it will be the memento that you pass on to our freaking children. Get it together.
Natalie: And now I, and now I have to like rethink every present. I want to give someone it's like, am I a weirdo? Or is this a nice thing to be doing? Oh my
Dina: gosh. So like, dang, you went all out, like the present and like the whole changing your whole personality.
I'm like, dang, these are some notes I could have known. I just, I
Natalie: just truly needed to be loved and desired. I still, like, I still have like that desired kick though. If you even look at me twice, like you might desire me, I'm all in for it. I'm like, excuse me. What did you, did you happen to think that I'm pretty?
Yeah, I did spend 25 minutes on my eyeshadow [00:33:00] palette and you only saw the purple in it. There are seven other color. But thank you for noticing the purple
Dina: let's have children. Right? So the,
Natalie: and get married like that. So this and lives together forever. So that this, so this is love song from Cinderella just starts playing in my head.
Dina: I feel like this is like a Taylor swift song, right? She she's written this song
Natalie: before. Yeah. Or it's just sitting in her notebook and it's called so sorry. I'm damaged. Like is this. am I living the plot to blank space? like,
Dina: I think you might be dude, now that I'm listening to your stories, I'm like, oh my God,
Natalie: Taylor swift, can you at me?
And to tell me, if you actually wrote blank space for me about me, dude,
Dina: you should really, you should really ask her that you should really go on Twitter and make that happen.
Natalie: How so? Like. I think a lot of what plays into how [00:34:00] brave we feel in our crushes or like what we believe love and dating was supposed to be when we were children growing up, comes from our families.
So did your family ever like desc, like talk to you about like, this is what it means to like a boy.
Dina: no, short answer. No. Uh, so, and I think that's part of the reason why I didn't know how to. Express it. So like no one knew that I had crushes on people other than me, because my, the whole thing with my family was like, we never talked about it.
It was like, there was just, you know, they're so conservative and you'll hear me talk about this because it's it lingers still the Arab guilt, like Arab guilt is that you, we knew we weren't supposed to think about. Or do any of those things we're not supposed to date. We're not supposed to have those feelings.
We're not [00:35:00] supposed to like anything. And so that like Arab guilt always hung over. So I just like, they, my family just pretended that those things didn't exist. Like we didn't talk about them, so they don't exist. Like sex doesn't exist. Like you
Dina: liking someone doesn't exist and if you do it, you're going to hell.
So I repress all pressed all of that. Just, just inside repression.
Natalie: Yeah. Well, as you know, I grew. Loosely Catholic as in, we sometimes went for Christmas and maybe for Easter, if we woke up in time , but I am the eldest child of a hot mom. Like my mom was hot in high school. She continues to be hot now to my [00:36:00] chagrin and so.
I think my mom just never thought she had to talk to me about it because it was just easy for her. she's be, she'd be like, I just don't understand why my troll child with the lion came perm. Isn't dating
Dina: oh my God. That's a lot of pressure.
Natalie: And I think because like, we always had guys in and out of our.
Like, because we lived in a neighborhood with a lot of kids and we all just hung out together and I hung out with a lot of guys. Maybe she assumed I was secretly dating all of them and I'm like, no, mom, I need guidance. Can you teach me how to like put my hair in an updo? Like you got me context too late in life.
Dina: Oh, my God. I need your skills, mom, dad, my, she wasn't giving you anything. No,
Natalie: [00:37:00] no. And then from my dad, it was just like, he would make sure to like dog, any guy I was interested in. I remember when one of those high school crushes, like we took a break cuz I was actually dating someone in college. And when that relationship ended.
And my dad came home and this guy from high school's on my couch, like, and we're taking a nap and he is like, oh, this guy's back. That's great. So happy to see you. because my dad, like your family was just like, my daughters can't be sexual beings. My dad can't even say the word nipple. Like he has two nipples as well.
but to acknowledge that nipples exist would acknowledge that you are a sexual being .
Dina: Do you think he acknowledges his own nipples? you imagine your dad just in the mirror, like too shy to look at hi, [00:38:00] his nipples, like, uh, no,
Natalie: they're not there. Oh, it's too sexual. No, no. Uh, oh yeah. .
Dina: Oh my God. Uh, so. And it was like, for me, it was just, you could not hang out with boys, which was really hard because I was a tomboy mm-hmm growing up.
Like I played sports. I like liked things like video games that were predominantly, you know, male activities. Right. Sens. You know, there were plenty of women who play video games. Like we all know this now, but back then it was like, right. Guy dominated, uh, activity. So, um, I related to, to guys more than I did to girls growing up.
And so I just naturally, you know, got along with them well, but if I wanted to, [00:39:00] um, like go stay at a friend's house, like overnight have like a sleepover. And, you know, my mom would be like, who's gonna be there. Like who's gonna be at that house. And if like my, if my friend, my female friend, if she had like a brother or something, I couldn't go, it was like, no, you couldn't, you just cannot be around the other sex because clearly you're going to bone town.
That's what's happening.
Natalie: Honestly, I think my mom was almost, she'd never admitted out loud, but she was probably disappointed. I didn't go to bone town more as like a young woman, because like, again, for her being a hot lady, mm-hmm, like, she's like why aren't like men fawning over my jeans, some more and like, oh God.
But yeah, I think, and. Playing off of the, like [00:40:00] your parents weren't even like comfortable having you hang out with boys. Like I think we, as a society have such a weird view of children of the opposite sucks, being friends, number one, it's completely heteronormative that like. Boy one and girl one, hang out.
Then we talk to like, they're five years old and we're like, oh little Johnny. He has like a little girlfriend named Claire in preschool. And you're like, what? Oh yeah, they're in love. What does that mean? Why are we sexualizing five year olds. They're playing legs. Yeah. That's really weird. It's
Dina: weird. I, I don't get that.
That's kind. Probably the root of all of all dating problems go back to that is like, I know being sexual sexualizing or pretending like [00:41:00] that doesn't exist. Yeah. That's where all the problems come
Natalie: from. Right. It's like, we're never in the happy medium. It's either like boys and girls never look at one another because that's wrong and it's sin or it's like, You're like you're three years old.
And here's your little girlfriend and you and your little girl, like no six year old has a girlfriend when I began straight. Ooh, straight U when I began teaching and I would do drama club for the middle school and they'd be like, so, and so's dating and I'd go, that's dumb. And they'd look at me and I'd be like, well, number one, no one has a.
So, where are you going? And no one has a job. So how are you doing things like you just sit in, in English class, looking at one another. We've all done that. , it's not a relationship dates. Like [00:42:00] you need money in a car to be dating.
Dina: it's true.
Natalie: True though. Like
Natalie: true. Yeah. Like I just feel like. and now your brain goes into autopilot.
Like as soon as I, and I do believe that the best relationships start out as friendships, because you already know what you like about one another and what you've already accepted, what you don't like about one another. But like this whole thing, if like I spend 15 minutes, one on one with a guy I should wanna date him, feel so old to me.
Dina: like, it's just looking back on it. It's it doesn't make sense now. Yeah, no,
Natalie: it doesn't. And it's like, how do we move past this idea of like the opposite sexes can't spend time together without there being a sexual component?
Dina: [00:43:00] Yeah. Uh, I don't, I don't think it'll ever, like, it's gonna be a really long time.
I think before that idea goes away.
Natalie: Yeah. And like, how are we talking about to our children about like what relationships look like? You shouldn't just be in a relationship with someone because it's like close proximity. That's how I chose potential mates. I was like, oh, are they within an arms length?
They're the one
Dina: I'll take that one. that? One's it. That's it right there. Yeah. He's two feet from me.
Natalie: The one that sits next to me in class. Oh my God. The one that I am forced to see every day, I'd like that one, please. And like, I also would get like a superiority complex because I was such good friends with the guys that when these other women came in and got to date them, I'd be like, you don't know them.
Like I do. I've been [00:44:00] here forever. and he
Dina: enjoys that's where the competition I know, and like comes
Natalie: into play. And like the years of unraveling that where it's like, I don't my entire life. Isn't an episode of the bachelorette. I don't have to hand out roses. I don't have to compete for a rose. Also. I've been watching that series for like 16 years.
So maybe that's where it all went wrong,
Dina: honestly. Well, and I think. , this is such a big topic. You could talk, we could talk for hours about how women are brought up. Girls women are brought up throughout life to feel like every other woman is in competition. Mm-hmm , which is so toxic. And I think every woman and I, but you know, I'll just say, I'll speak for myself that I went through a phase where yeah, I did that.
I was jealous of, you know, if another girl came into my space and was [00:45:00] like, uh, you know, getting all the attention, I was like, what about me? I was your first. Uh, and then, but then at some point you realize how toxic that is that you can be, you can be genuine friends with a woman or another girl and just not.
Have it be competition all the time. Like you can want success for a friend or another woman and that's, that's the transition I went through. Did you go through something similar?
Natalie: Honestly like this first or this most recent batch of new friends where all of these guys are either already partnered up or younger than me or whatever.
is the first time where like my brain, hasn't gone an overdrive where it's like, if I was gonna end up with one of them, which one is it? And who do I have to like, be out to do that? And like, when we did the little dating web series, it could have [00:46:00] become really toxic and competitive. But as women, we got into the women's breakout room and we just talked about like who we liked and who we didn't like.
And. There was no like, well, I'm staking my claim or like, how dare you like him? Like duke him out. Like no one was shady during the show. So, so that's good. Yeah. So it was a good chemistry and it was a good growth moment, but I mean, it's taken me this far to like look at the men in my life and not wanted, like to be secure in my own life.
what I've got going on to be like, well, I don't actually need to be searching for a partner in every man that the universe brings my way.
Dina: Right. And I was, I think in my mid to now late twenties is when I realized like all that, I was like, [00:47:00] I'm not gonna wish ill on another woman. I'm not gonna be in competition with every per every woman.
If there's a guy in the room, like I'm not doing. Because I want to bring women up and not tear them down. Yeah. Um, and I think that's important for our gender as you know, just as a whole, that is so important. And, you know, it bring, it reminds me of when that time, so you and I both use dating apps. Um, and so remember.
That guy that I met on Tinder mm-hmm that, um, this guy I would had been hanging out with him and yes, had it become intimate. Um, and I, one day I, I met up with him and he was like, Hey, I gotta tell you something. I was like, what? Oh, no, like, here we go. He's gonna drop some weird bomb on me. Like, I don't know, I'm not ready for this, but he was like, Um, I noticed that we have, uh, that [00:48:00] you're friends with Natalie who like on Facebook, you know, obviously you, you and I are friends and he was like, I just want you to know that I like talked to her.
on the dating app, like before you, but like nothing ended up coming from it. And I was like, oh no. Oh. I was like, oh crap. No, I was like, first I was laughing because I was like, oh my God, how hilarious that me and Natalie have talked to the same guy on Tinder. Like how. That's hilarious. Um, and I was like, I was a little nervous because I'd never been in this situation before.
I was like, oh my God, like I gotta talk to Natalie about this. Like, I hope she's not mad at me cuz at this point I've been, you know, having sex with this guy. Like, and so I was like, all right, but I gotta like, just make sure, you know, everything's cool with me and Natalie, cuz obviously my relationship with you comes and my friends in general comes before.
Some random dude on, on Tinder or whatever. But I, I went, I texted you, I [00:49:00] remember texting you. And I was like, uh, so this just happened and you were, it was hilarious. Yeah. Like obviously you were like cool with it and everything was fine, but that was such a big moment for, I feel like for us, like to just feel like we are adults, we could talk about this like adults.
Right. And everything's cool. Like, and it was fine. The guy ended up. A piece of crap. So it was
Natalie: fine, but, but like, I also remember being all like good on him for, I guess, for seeing this as being a problem and trying to curb it now, to me, we had like exchanged messages for an evening. We had a lot in common.
I tried to reach back out to him. He like message ghosted me. And then like I had moved on because like these men on dating apps, aren't real to me until like, we've met up for like three or more times. Like, they're just
Dina: like, yeah, no, that makes
Natalie: sense. They're just like, not real humans. So for you to like, be.
I don't know, we matched [00:50:00] with this guy and like, he talked to you too, and I'm cracking up cuz I was like,
Dina: yeah, I was laughing my
Natalie: ass off. I'm like, he's not even a person he stops. I don't even know who he is. And then, and then like, also like for him to be like, I'm gonna be the person who brings this friendship crashing down, like, okay dude, like pump your breaks.
Dina: yeah, that, that, that guy wasn't shit to me. Yeah. probably when I was
Natalie: sleeping with him, I feel kind of bad, but Dayton is so small that like how many guys do you think we've matched with? Just because we have similar types and similar hobbies that. It's going to happen
Dina: oh, for sure. And, and like, honestly, if it had gone, like, if you were like, oh, that's weird, like, or whatever, I just would've been like, all right, cool.
I'm done. Like I'm done with it. I don't care. Or like, [00:51:00] it doesn't mean enough to me, especially, maybe that's important to talk about sometime where we're at in our, uh, you. Relationships like what we're looking for kind of a thing. Oh yeah. Like, uh, but I person personally, I'm in a, I don't want a relationship right now.
I only want casual like relationships. Yeah. Uh, with, with people I'm attracted to. So, um, that wasn't, it didn't mean anything to me. You know what I mean? If, if I had to get rid of that guy, I would've been fine, which ended up doing that anyway. So it's fun. So there
Natalie: it. Um, there it is. All right. We are at about 52 minutes.
So are you ready for big takeaways and manifestations?
Dina: I'm ready. Let's do it. You can, you can start first.
Natalie: Okay. I think my biggest takeaway that we are supposed to garnish from these crushes that we have peppered out throughout our adolescence is just because you want something so [00:52:00] badly that it feels like the end of the world.
that you don't get it, doesn't make it right. And like crushes kind of teach us how to deal with disappointment about relationships. Because looking back at all of the men that I've had crushes on, like, there are reasons it would've worked and there are reasons that it wouldn't have worked. So everything kind of equals out.
But to all of my crushes out there, if you happen to piece together the clues and you're like, damn. Missed my chance with Natalie. Um, I hope that all of you have entered your adult lives fully prepared for healthy adult relationships and have learned to communicate your true feelings to someone.
Dina: That's lovely.
Love that for, for everybody, honestly. Thank you. Uh, for my crushes, I think they taught me that it's okay. to like someone [00:53:00] despite what others will think about it. So whether it be your family or your friends, it's fine to, to have feelings for someone. Um, and, and for you to really just be for, for, for you to just be confident in what you feel and let it happen.
Don't be ashamed. Don't, don't feel like it's wrong. Um, your feelings aren't wrong. And I th you know, I haven't talked to these guys in forever, so, but I hope that they're out there, like you said, living their best adult lives and they've, uh, find, or have found someone that they truly are able to express their feelings with and their love with.
Natalie: um, I'm gonna do some plug. So if you've made it this far with us, welcome to our inner circle, we hope that you had some laughs and that you [00:54:00] took away some reflections for your own. Please follow us on Instagram. I'm gonna make the Instagram handle for the podcast. Men I've tolerated. Because to all the men I've tolerated before, just seems really long that is super long.
Um, you can follow me on Instagram. My Instagram is not such private right now, and it is my first name, Natalie, and my last initial K as in kite or kitten 1, 2, 4. Um, I'm going to be posting some questions about each episode that we would love to hear from you because we definitely want this to be a platform.
Where women and men are coming together to talk about relationships and what we've learned, what we've had to unlearn. And we want this to be a community of
Dina: sharers as for me. Um, I. When, when you're hearing this, my, uh, Instagram will be live. Um, it [00:55:00] is, uh, miss Cabo. So M Ms. Period, Cabo, C a B O O S E Cabo.
It's my online handle for those of you are like, it's not about my ass. I promise it's my online handle. so, um, you can follow me on Instagram. I also will have links to. My Twitch, um, and my other social media. So, uh, feel free to, to follow me on Twitch. I stream games sometimes. So, um, but I'm, but thank you, Natalie, for allowing me to, to do this with you.
I'm so excited to and hopeful that, uh, somebody will relate to this and, and find some, uh, Some positive solutions to, to some of their
Natalie: problems maybe. And please word of mouth is the love language of podcasting. So if you like what we have to say, tell two to three of your girlfriends, like, Hey, um, I've listened to this podcast.
It's so relevant. And I went through so many of the [00:56:00] same things. Give it a listen, um, subscribe to the podcast. We're going to put out an episode weekly. And leave us a five star review and some comments on why you found us so entertaining and worth a listen. We'd love to hear it. We thrive on compliments.
Dina: Yes. Also, please. Don't be mean to me. I can
Natalie: handle also we understand that trolls are people too, but we'd rather not.
Dina: Good vibes only for sure.
Natalie: All right. This is Natalie. Katona signing off
Dina: Dina KA will
Natalie: talk to you guys later. Everyone stays safe and lovely out there.