Natalie and Dina delve into the tricky and messy, but also truly unique, ways they’ve tried to date during a global pandemic. This is Natalie’s chance to brag about the failed dating web series she was cast on and all the twists and turns it took. Dina goes on virtual dates and realizes they’re more low pressure and not so bad! Join them as they try to navigate how you try and find a partner who has to remain six feet away!
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Unknown 1 - 00:23 Hey everyone I'm trying to get my energy. I know you gotta like let's type it, let's type it. Well a pre recording I told Deanna I was like this ex bums me out and I spent a week reflecting on how much I'm bummed out about this human. I'm so sorry that you went a week thinking about it like that sucks. Well, I mean ******* happen but anyways. Uh, this is to all the men I've tolerated before with your fantastic hosts Natalie Katona and Dina Alkhatib. And we're here to give you really all of the details about former today. Unknown 1 - 01:08 We'll be a little bit more present like I think we've been kind of in the past for most of our episodes, but today's topic is dating in the time of COVID-19 literally the worst time of our lives. Literally the worst time to be trying to get romantic. Yeah, honestly, it's really not a great situation for trying to meet people. Correct, and if you are new because you just searched tips to help me date during a pandemic. Basically what we do every episode is we share with you stories about our relationships with men. We've been focusing on romantic relationships in the future. Unknown 1 - 02:01 We will get to other men in our life and how they affected us, how they taught us things, how we had to. Don't learn things from them and how really because we insist. On tolerating men in our lives, we've grown as women. As independent women as. Truly, women who have gotten on the cusp of deciding that we love ourselves more than we love the idea of relationships. Yeah, and I think there's a lot of positive things that have come out of. Some of these relationships we've had too, and I'm going to talk about some truly, I'm excited to. Unknown 1 - 02:46 Share some of the positives that people might not be expecting from COVID dating. Oh, you've got positive. I have positives because I I'm a person that lives in an online world, so I'm very and I've met most of my partners online, so it's not completely like new for me, but. I certainly have some good things that came out of COVID dating in true Napoli fashion while you were talking, I wrote a song like my head was like Denny's living in an Internet world and she is a web gaming girl. Ohh. I'm glad that you have positives because you'll be ending the episode on a bright note and I'll be starting this episode with. Well, I signed up for a thing that I thought would be really cool and then the dude just bummed me out for two months. Unknown 1 - 03:46 Yeah, but that was such a cool experience though that you like when you were telling me about it. Like can you looking back on it like years from now? You're gonna be like that was such a cool experience. I feel like right? If anything, that was a huge growth moment for me because it was such a confidence boost to be chosen for something like that all right? Well, if you're new to the podcast you've heard you haven't. Her Deanna and I have episodes upon episodes where we've talked about how unfortunate we were during. Unknown 1 - 04:20 High school and middle school dating and crushes? Yeah that **** was sad. Right and how really like we had to work on ourselves and really grow to be women confident enough to think that like Oh no, we can have relationships. Oh my God, we deserve that. Who knew? So I'm going to take you back to the beginning of COVID. I'm going to let that sink in for everyone. Unknown 1 - 04:52 It's not a great. It's not a great moment in time. I am working from home. And really, the only interaction I'm having with people during that first shut down quarantine. Is a daily zoom call with my department at the theater and kind of that's it. Like I, I would every once in a while like I had a quarantine buddy and we would watch movies like once a week. But other than that, link quarantine that first go when we were like 4 serious. Unknown 1 - 05:36 Just like staying in our homes, it was lonely. I mean, yeah, looking back on it now, I think we said if we go back like back into hard lockdowns sometime like you and I are buddies now because we were not prepared for this at all. And like who was who has spent their entire life going well, if the entire world shuts down, here's my mental health plan. I know I feel like we need an emergency kit, a lockdown emergency kit for people who like live alone. Right, so I'm on Instagram because I love social media and I love Instagram and there's this like and I really can't go that much into the process or the details because I signed a nondisclosure. And like while I think that this is never going to air. You know you never know what when people need a dollar, people get petty so they sure do. Unknown 1 - 06:43 So basically I don't know Dina. If you're familiar, have you watched? Love is blind on Netflix, no, but I have seen the premise. I know the premise of it. So right? So wait, did not just tell that you just said that hold on girl is it where everybody's in their individual room. Yes, OK, yes I've I have seen it. Unknown 1 - 07:08 It's been a while since I watched it, but I have seen it, yeah. And they can't see one another and they're just like lounging on a couch, talking about their hopes and dreams. And then they propose. Right? So basically I'm on Instagram and this local group is going to throw a local area version of quarantine. Love is blind and I'm like. Because at this point in my life, I've deleted all dating apps off of my phone. Unknown 1 - 07:42 Ohm and the guy. That I thought I could be into and it was funny time with I'm like. You've got a lot of things that maybe you could work out on your own before you involve me. So. So I'm just at like a dating lull and I'm an extrovert so this so I have no place to channel all of my social energy and a coworker also sent mainly Instagram post and she's like what do you think of this? And I'm like, well, I'm thinking it can be like either really cool and really fun and a great story. Or it could be an A complete **** show and like really I'm up for either one at this point. Unknown 1 - 08:33 I need entertainment. So I sign up and like the sign up like I had to take like a survey and write like a little bio blurb about me and I had to submit like a 32nd introduction video to myself and Dina. You know, my sequin flip jacket. Yes, I sure do infamous. I was like I need my gold sequin flip jacket and I put it on and I'm sitting on my porch and the only thing I remember about my intro video is I started it with my name is Natalie Katona and this extra extrovert needs something to do during quarantine. My God, I love that. That's so you. Unknown 1 - 09:20 So I made it and like basically what it was was it was this week long blind dating experience where I would turn off my camera on zoom and like change my identity, change the name that popped up so no one could like Internet stock me and I would go on a series of blind dates with men and it like it was nine when met. It's nine men, nine women, and so like night one I went on 910 minute dates. Wow, that's so cool. Like kind of exciting. That's so awesome, yeah? Like I was super excited about it and and then basically you take like a survey and you do like I I love reality TV like we know this. Unknown 1 - 10:15 I bring up all the time. The Bachelorette I'm currently binging all of Survivor and I love confessional videos. So like the women in their group are like I never know what to say during my confessional and I'm like, Oh no, I've got the confessionals down Pat. You've prepared for this your whole life. You are like I know exactly what to do. I know exactly what this should look like and so I like it like I turned like I record myself going. So this is how I thought about this man. Unknown 1 - 10:51 And if he really wants my attention then he needs to really step it up in Bubba Bubba and like what? Hell, yes Queen, **** queen. So basically what ends up happening is in true like dating show fashion men get eliminated from my dating pool and I have pretty much two men neck and neck in my like out of my options. And they're both a nerdy. They're both like around my age. They both have jobs. They're both funny like we have good banter like good like comedic chemistry is really important to me, because why would I hang out with you if we can't do bits all the time and you can't see them? Unknown 1 - 11:44 What I forgot to do? Spoiler Alert is like when you're shopping for booty on dating apps. They tell you things like political affiliation, religion. Well, the deal breaker stuff. All this stuff that could really make or break a relationship because they're so controversial. So morale based, so a part of who you are, I feel like. And you know, I didn't ask Adina. Unknown 1 - 12:18 I feel like that's not the way those shows go, though. It's not about all that stuff, it's all the exciting like, ooh, you know what I mean. Like the cute parts of dating but not the realistic parts of dating. Did I ask one man at all? Like hey, are you a Trump supporter? No, but did I ask men like if Vogue was going to give you a headline on what your personal style is, what would that headline read? You know I did it. Unknown 1 - 12:48 Do you like you were like? Screw it? I don't want to know anything that's actually going to like make this man compatible for me. But I wanna know. If you want your headlines like. Thank goodness at the end of it all they threw all the women in a room together and we turned on our cameras and we like gave the tea to one another because those women were asking ages. I was like that's a problem. Unknown 1 - 13:16 I'm a woman in my 30s. I should probably know what the age of these. What I imagine you doing is like before this all started you wrote down like in your notebook. Like OK, I want someone who's above the age of 25 or 21 or whatever. I want a guy who's not a Trump supporter blah blah and then as soon as the recording happened, you took that notebook and heated it out and you were like Oh yeah, I wanna know what your headline for vogue would be or whatever like screw it, right? Like if you had to be an animal, what animal would you be like? Those are the things that happen. Unknown 1 - 13:56 Nathalie, what happened? Will you train for this girl? You're right because reality TV is a bunch of ******** and you never see like even the most boring bachelor. Peter didn't ask women, so like which line do you get? And when you're voting like which line do you punch the card in? So, so I'm just like living my best life and again this is a flaw of mine. I Dina I don't know if you do this, but I assume that every person in our age range is also sick of the ******** it is our allies in the revolution. Unknown 1 - 14:48 That is a mistake because I didn't say the majority of people are not a part of the revolution, especially where we live. Right right? We live in the Midwest and I'm like everyone except positive, right? I know Trump's literal America and you think him people are sex positive and here for the like the women's revolution? No, that ain't it. Everyone sex positive everyone believes that women are equal. Everyone believes that Black Lives Matter because those are all the things I believe and I couldn't imagine that someone else wouldn't break. Unknown 1 - 15:29 Those ties with their family and choose to fight every Thanksgiving. This is an ohh honey moment. I feel like like ohh no. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying that I've learned something about myself. I'm continuously. Blindsided so I'm basically I'm not asking any of the great questions because my problem with men on dating apps is they're boring men are boring. You heard it here first. Unknown 1 - 16:01 You have to trick them into being interesting with these stupid ******** like openers like you have to be like if your mother was a tree. Which tree represents your mother? And then you learn whether or not they have mom issues. Oh my God. Right, I get made fun of all the time because they're like no one wants to answer that ******* question Natalie. And I'm like, well then they have no interest in me. So if you can't tell me what tree your mother is, that ain't it. Unknown 1 - 16:36 Get out right now and get out. Get out. So by the way, my vogue headline for my. Fashion shoot would be thanks Stevie Nicks, but with color ironically mine would be think Stevie Nicks but emo. Just like sad Stevie did like extra sad extra black every everything wearing all black goth head to toe yeah. So at the end of it all, I I also yeat my gut instinct. I had a very clear first place. Unknown 1 - 17:20 Who I thought was in first place from Monday until Thursday, but then these ******* did some reality TV ******** where they threw my second place into my first date that night. OK, how did that go and that? And this second place, man, let me tell you so he starts like getting like all like. Kind of like humble about himself and he's like well, I just saw the lake because like the whole prize of this isn't like no one's getting engaged. I wasn't engaged over the summer, but we do get a trip. And you know I'll do anything for a free ******* trip. I'll date anybody for a weekend away so. Unknown 1 - 18:11 Right, so he's like so you know, I was just thinking that like you probably don't want to go on a trip with me like right now we've never met or whatever. But I thought that like you know, we could, you know, reveal each other to ourselves tomorrow and like then I would spend the next two or three months, depending on when the pandemics over ha to the pandemic sever over. This is how we live now. Jokes on him. This is our new jokes on him. So he's like sorry though, it's been like the next few months like just kind of like convincing you that I'm a guy that you want to be on a trip for and I'm eating it up right. I'm like, oh you're gonna convince me you're gonna woo me he he talked about like pinch trusting and like asking his mom like picnic recipes or whatever so we could meet at a public place on a picnic and still spread out and be outside. Unknown 1 - 19:14 Stop, it's my drawing, that's my dream. This guy sounds awesome. But let's let's remember that there was like, yeah, he was. I didn't pick him. I'm like damn no, I did pick him. Whoa wait, he was my. He was my second place and because he did the like who like. Unknown 1 - 19:39 Well, I just thought that I would really date you after this and like make you food and picnics and whatever. I picked him knowing that the second guy I would probably talk to that night. Would be my first place guy who I wanted to end up with since Monday. Oh my God cause your girl dumb Dang. Because your girl loves a plot twist, so then we get to the reveal night and they let it happen for like less than 20 seconds because I guess my face wasn't impressed and the like person who threw all of this together with Natalie's going to kill us cut the cameras. Like get him out of this round and I was really just like nervous and like he like he all. It's an awkward situation and like all of the people who are running the show are also there so you're not like really talking or whatever. Unknown 1 - 20:33 He finds me on Facebook and like we chat or whatever and let me like let me do say that for like the first week two weeks he was doing stuff to make me interested in dating. Like he did throw like we couldn't go on a picnic that weekend because it was going to rain. So he planned a Netflix movie for us to watch on FaceTime together and like sent food to my house. So like that's something that all sounds nice. In theory that does he was doing stuff and then like he would take an online Zumba class that one of the other women on the in the cast ran. Every week he would take that with me because he's like, well, that's the only way I'll ever take nimbly out dancing. And she loves to go out dancing and we're in a pandemic. Unknown 1 - 21:30 So like there were cute moods, right? For sure that sounds. Nice. Here's the kicker, though I feel like it's coming the kicker's coming and then you girl is ready to get intimate. Because. Your girl has a lot of friends, male, female, all gender spectrums. And therefore she doesn't really need to be in a non sexual relationship because I'm fulfilled. Unknown 1 - 22:04 So like I love all the love languages but I have friends who compliment me. There's words of affirmation. I have friends who love to buy me things because I'm shoppable for there's gifts. I have friends who will drop things to do things for me if I'm in a bind. There's access service. You know when I don't have, I don't have a friend who will **** me so. Yet so. Unknown 1 - 22:35 When I enter into a dating relationship, I'm like here it is. My love language is physical acts. Let's get physical physical. What I don't know. It is how inexperienced my new guy I'm dating. And what I also don't know is part of the reason he's so inexperienced is because how immoral. He finds premiered all sex oh. Unknown 1 - 23:10 No. Because I asked any of the ******* dating app statistic questions no. You got jebaited. I got jebaited and here's the thing too. Like on the little zoom dates, I was very honest, talked about my crystals I talked about meditating and yoga. I talked about all my witchy **** I talked about how I go to the zoo and I talked to the animals and they love me and I love them. One of the guys on the show when we met up in real life was like I was so ******* afraid of you. Unknown 1 - 23:53 He was like I love you now to encounter a she demon who will help your *** in a minute right? Because people would ask me where I got my alter ego name and I was like it's the druid. I play on Dungeons and Dragons and I was like and she's a swamp witch. So you weren't, you weren't hiding anything. You weren't. You were being your most authentic self like which I love as being my most liberal feminist crystal in her bra. Doused in like meditative like oil, right? Unknown 1 - 24:34 So I was being like full high goddess witchery so you think? That all that high, goddess witchery would scare off the Christians because those people burned my people. That's true. Ah, but they didn't desire. Umm, but he also wouldn't admit it like we would go out on dates or I would go to his house and have dinner and watch movies and I would sit there on the couch. And finally maybe the second time I asked him. So do you like enjoy my company and he's like what it was like. Unknown 1 - 25:14 Do you like actually like now that we're in this? Do you like and? We've met in the real world? Are you like still into this? Because they're besides the light constantly asking to plan dates to do things which I took as a good sign, like when we were together, there was no like. Verbal affirmation that he was into anything that I was into or physical affirmation. We did. Unknown 1 - 25:45 I performed oral sex on him one time in the back seat of a car. First of all, just kidding. Because he not because he requested it like we were making out and heavy petting. And my uterus was indisposed, and it would have been the first time that he encountered my ladybits. And I'm like, ah. Your first time entering the temple issue probably like not be the one week that it's angry, right? True, so we're like making out or whatever, and I like fully tell them I'm like. Unknown 1 - 26:26 Hi, my name is Stanley Katona. I'm a woman in my 30s and I am menstruating welcome. Welcome and I was like so I would like it if my pants stay on he requests. That I then. Put *** **** ** my mouth and I did without shame like we were already. Uh huh. And then, uh, and then we like have this like agreement. Unknown 1 - 26:58 Now we were inebriated like the reason why we were like making out in the back seat of my car was because no one could drive at that point. So you might as well get handsy until you sober up. It's a responsible thing to us. So anyhow, we're so we make this like like this drinking pact, that the next time I go over to his house for dinner and a movie, we're going to have sex. So I showed up with an expectation. And honestly, Dina, I should have called it quits around the third. No, he asked me twice I'm taking off clothing. Unknown 1 - 27:37 And he's like so are we gonna have sex and I'm like Yep, and that's what's happening. And then I'm like taking on more clothing he's like so really we're like have sex and I'm like again. That's what's happening, and if he had asked a third time, I'm pretty sure I would have pumped the brakes, and they're like, well, wait. Are we not having sex? Are we? But he was the type of guy who like just waited for you to make an executive decision and wanted to know responsibility. I hate that I hate that so much. Unknown 1 - 28:13 Or, you know so much. I can probably say with confidence that we are both pretty strong independent people and can make plans, but don't enjoy making all the decisions all the time. Correct and also. I'm as alpha as they come. I get it. I am usually in a position where I am the alpha in my relationship. However, I would love to date a beta with alpha tendencies, agreed, agreed and needs to be. Unknown 1 - 28:48 You need to be on the same level or it's just like it gets exhausting. In my opinion, right? And I like to be a little like. Demure and submissive in the bedroom because I never get to experience that out in the. In the non sexual world, so we have like painful bad sucks and. And like. At that point, his brain told him that now he really had to be into me because he had like had sex with me and like there's this whole internal dialogue going on in his head that I'm never Privy to. Unknown 1 - 29:30 But then he would shame me about later. There were just like a lot of passive aggressive comments that would have it. Like one time we were driving to. A league that I was in and he told and he like basically said something about his friend in town. Meeting a girl in church and he was like you know, like how I was supposed to or like how like I always thought I would and like I am a. I am a lot of things. I have a lot of facets to my personality. You'll hear me say a lot of times I'm not that good. Unknown 1 - 30:10 Little church girl on Sundays. Yeah, I would have yeeted him out of the car immediately if he said that that is so messed up on so many levels. Mm-hmm and there and I think like we'll have an entire episode on shame and the shame game that men will play with you. But this was like astronomical and then early on in our relationship I *** **** off. So I take this huge blow to my independent confidence and boy did he never have any opinions on like where we were going, what we were doing, what the definition of our relationship was, whether or not he was comfortable with the fact that we were having sex. But he sure as hell had a lot of opinions about my unemployment. What did he say? Unknown 1 - 31:07 He basically wanted like he was like. Well, it's a good thing that summer you can apply for teaching jobs because you have to understand like my layoff was first of furlough. So I thought I was going back in when COVID was over. So I was like no. I'm going to wait it out. I was like I'm like that's what you do in a furlough like they're giving me insurance. I'll be a ward of the state for a little bit and I'll wait it out and I told him I was like, you know, you're very new to my relationship no more. Unknown 1 - 31:43 And I don't like being told what to do, so don't tell me what I'm going to do with my unemployment, but also #2, like I haven't reached the point yet where I can see myself going back to teaching because of all of the like work. I have to do about things that I experienced while I was a teacher. Like the constant bending of my boundaries. The need to make everyone's problem in the room. My problem like teaching is kind of a codependence. Worst job you think you're going to be the best at it, and then you get in there and you're like huh now everything is constantly my fault all day long so can I ask a question why so? It was COVID the reason that you let that go on for so long. Unknown 1 - 32:32 Of course it was. Uhm, I was at a really low place. I was unemployed. We were in quarantine. All of the people who also were on this like program with us thought that he was nice and great. However, two of the girls came over to my house for Chipotle lunch one time and they asked me so, how are things going with him and I said, oh, this isn't forever. Like I was very aware early on like this is a just for now, yeah. Unknown 1 - 33:07 And these women are younger than me, so I don't think that they were prepared for that like blatant honesty about a relationship. So they were like Oh my gosh. Then why even continue? And I was like, I mean, everyone's up for a promotion. If you act like you deserve to be promoted, you are up for a promotion. That's true. So I mean there was just like so we would get intimate. Unknown 1 - 33:34 And then he would be weird about it. And then he would like go to visit family or something and be gone for an extended amount of time. And like there was one trip and I think I contacted you about it where like he kept pushing back where like our weekly date to see one another and like basically only wanted to see me when he knew other people would be there. And then I helped plan his birthday party and like we went back to his house and like we watched a movie I tried to do stuff and he rejected me and I couldn't. Look, let me be clear, I truly believe that everyone deserves the right to say no. I'm not in the mood but because I was constantly in this headspace where it's like well. Do you like me? Unknown 1 - 34:26 What's going on here? Why is everything so weird? I couldn't fix my face quickly enough so I just had to go like I was like. OK, I'm going home and I'm like trying to gather my stuff and I can't talk because I'm trying to be like. Don't react to the moment get home, you'll find someone to talk to you about it, like your partner doesn't have to hear about every time you're upset. Like just get yourself home, get yourself out and like I run because like his apartment was like a stairs. I had to run stairs to get to his front door. Unknown 1 - 35:06 So I'm like trying to get down the stairs quickly. And I'm like I'll see you tomorrow because it's like the night before his party. And he's like I feel like I really ****** ** and I just like turned to him and I was like. Well, here's the thing, right or wrong. My brain is now in a position for you where I am just waiting for you to be honest with me that you actually don't like anything that's happening because that is how you present, right? And then we had to have this like long like talk and he's like I just really feel like we rushed on getting physical like yeah we talked for that week online, but then I hadn't even known you like 3 days and you put my. **** ** your mouth and I went. Unknown 1 - 35:55 He asked for, he sure did Dina Oh my God he sure did but who's the ho who did it? That's how he always treated me. Oh my God that's so toxic so he asked for it. I complied as a consenting adult and then that's how he would treat me. So sorry that happened. Yeah, eventually I got to the point because like I wanna share. Like I just wanna give a taste of the shame game that he would play because this could be an entire episode and we're talking about COVID dating. Unknown 1 - 36:33 And like that was my major dating experience during a pandemic. Feeling like I had to make a relationship work because COVID is hard enough. I'm really not in the mood to deal with a breakup, so it was a lot of over communicating. It was a lot of mean trying to like check on boundaries that were never presented to me. It was a lot of like asking him to not make me mind to read and for him to stop reading my mind. And it was just like. So lonely because you're already at a. You're already at like a weakened position and then like you are in this relationship where like you can't go to bed at night, going well at least he likes me. Unknown 1 - 37:22 Because you're not even sure about that. You're not even confident that he likes you at all, right? And really, like I've been so uninterested. In dating during the pandemic, because I don't want to continue being the person who's just like, well, I'll make this work because everything's hard right now. And it wasn't all bad. I'm so glad that I had that experience. It was so fun. Unknown 1 - 37:54 I did probably let a good guy get away who probably knows himself enough to not treat another human being like that. And I have a bunch of new friends like all of the guys. Good, yeah? All of the guys that I've talked about having healthy friendships with. They all came out of this experience. And. They are such a blanket. Unknown 1 - 38:20 Acceptance for who I am from this group. Like yesterday I gave one of the women a birthday tarot reading. And it wasn't like it wasn't like you know, Natalie witchy stuff is weird, like I pulled them out. I was like I brought these in case you wanted a reading for your next year of life and she was like hell yeah, let's get weird. Yes. That's what we need. That's what those are. Unknown 1 - 38:47 The types of people you need, and you've found them through through COVID and through this terrible experience with another person, but. You found some people and honestly, like I think the one true beautiful thing is is if I had gone with my gut. And chosen my first my first choice on the show. He has a pretty established life in our area with a friend group, so I don't think he would have been as down as the guy I ended up dating was to like, hang out with these people and get to know these people as the like social quarantine bans lifted. I guess the universe was like. This is going to be hard, but you're going to gain so much because you think you're into this guy, but what you're really into is the energy of these people. That's lovely, yeah. Unknown 1 - 39:44 Time. So I hope that happens to me. I mean, I want I want some positive male like I feel like I don't have that any like male friendships that are. Positive and healthy and even a non romantic you know right? Alright, so. That's me. Alright, so for me I didn't have like any any really kind of, you know committed relationship during COVID right before COVID I was really starting to like go out more, feeling more myself, feeling more like I want to meet new people and all this stuff. Unknown 1 - 40:27 And then the lockdown happened and that kind of put a, you know put a damper on that. And I was a bit sad and disappointed so I started. I I started going on. You know those apps like Tinder, Bumble things like that to try and meet people. The best I could in a pandemic. So what that looked like is basically I had a couple like movie nights where we would get on discord and watch a movie together. Through, you know have our cameras on and stuff like that. Unknown 1 - 41:00 Basically a date but virtual or replay video games now. It's it was a little awkward. I mean, because imagine like going to the movies in non COVID time. You're basically sitting next to each other, completely quiet, not really being able to look at each other because they're right next to you or talk at all, which is already kind of weird. You know, especially for our first date, but now you have your cameras on, you can stare at this person, but you're also watching the movie, so it's like double awkward. It's like, Oh my God, I'm on camera, which is weird. You know basically seeing yourself and. Unknown 1 - 41:40 That was awkward, but. Uh, here's the upside to COVID dating through this way is that it made me very quickly roll out people without even having to see them without even being to see them. I would be like if they jumped on discord. We started talking like one guy jumped. We, we talked for the first time on discord and the way that he talked. I knew it was not going to happen right like just because of the way he spoke, and I don't. I don't want to sound like like I just write people off really easily, but like if you're a person who uses words like that's gay or something like. Unknown 1 - 42:25 No like no, I stopped doing that. We all collectively, I think, agreed to stop doing that one. You know, in the early 2000s like please stop, yeah. So I just knew. That wasn't my thing, and it's a turn off a huge turnoff to me for people who speak like that. So like as an adult and these people are 25 plus. And you know what I'm saying, like? Unknown 1 - 42:49 So I was very quickly able to like roll people out, even if it made them upset, like you didn't even know me. And I'm like, you know, we don't have to put anymore effort into this if we don't want to. I'm I'm always 100% honest about where I'm at, what I'm looking for or not looking for when it comes to dating and this was no different so I had a few like casual relationships, sexual relationships. Always up front was like hey not looking for anything. Not ready for a relationship but yeah we can bone we can hang out you know we be friends and bone that's fine and of course I'm sure plenty of people have fallen into the trap of somebody understanding that boundary, but then not actually understanding that boundary, which is what happened with one guy. Very clear up front. Unknown 1 - 43:47 Not looking for a relationship. This guy literally told me. That he thought he could change my mind and I was like why? What is that? First off, I'd like to like. Explore that whole light. Concerned and no. Unknown 1 - 44:08 Is right the first time, it's not an invitation to debate me. Yeah, I'm not looking for someone to change my mind, right? That's not what's happening. I was very clear going into it. He caught feelings and thought he could change my mind. I'm like oh Dang guy. No that can't be like that like he hurt himself. Unknown 1 - 44:33 Because I'm super emotionally unavailable, or at least at that time was super emotionally unavailable, right? But he thought he could. I guess change me to liking him. But here's the kicker. Him saying he could change the change me basically invalidated me ever having something with him. Anything more, because that's just I feel like that's a violation of. My boundaries and that sucks like that freaking sucks. Unknown 1 - 45:04 Another kind of con of dating. This way extra extra online dating in COVID is like no one wants to meet, which is understandable. I mean, there's a little literal pandemic. I could force every guy to get a COVID test before I meet with them. But nobody's going to do that like nobody's going to do that so. I feel like it just gave people the. More flexibility to not make plans and to not take the next step of like hey, maybe we should do something that's not a die thing, because that's how I've been doing online apps where it's it gets to the point where they want to make plans or something, and I just get so bogged down with the Unknown 1 - 45:50 pressure of what that actually means that I'm terrible. About it yeah, no. I feel like I'm sometimes the same way and I'm looking for someone now that I think can make plans and can take ownership because I'm so used to doing and planning everything that it's like exhausting for me. You know, I have a pretty stressful job and I'm forced to be a leader in my job and sometimes I just want someone to be able to meet me halfway in, you know, planning things. Being a little more proactive, so this just kind of was not the COVID environment is just really not helping in that regard because nobody knows what to do, right? Nobody knows what to plan or if it's OK or anything like that, and nobody wants to because we're all mostly depressed and sad that we're in a pandemic, which is all understandable. So to me, it's just felt like everything that I've experienced with someone during COVID has really just been kind of like. Unknown 1 - 46:57 You know nothing spectacular or anything like that. That being said, I'm still like trying. I have a guy that wants to meet. I think next week. To try and like, just do something. So I'm not like ruling it out, but it's really not looking hopeful and actually getting to know people and stuff. But I will say that I liked the format. Unknown 1 - 47:25 Maybe not the not being able to see a person in the no dating app statistics, but I did like the format of a virtual date because really there is nothing to lose so you can just be yourself. And like if you're not feeling it, you can be like OK, now I'm logging off. Right, and I think it's so. Nice to have to that you can do that before you meet somebody in person, so you're not wasting anybody's time. Like, UM, I really enjoyed that, honestly, because there's no reason for me to waste your time or for, you know. Meeting for you to waste mine so right because I like that part of it once I'm out, I will literally sit in a Starbucks with you for two hours because I've already done the hard part which is leaving my home. And right, and I'll know in the first half hour I'll be like this is the only time I'm seeing this person, but but I'm already out so I'll make it worth the out there. Unknown 1 - 48:31 No, I did experience something new in pandemic dating and I got ghosted for the first time in my life. Like by two men. Two men goes to me, both of whom I had. You know, had sex with which you know low blow, if you ghost me. While we're talking, we haven't met in person. OK like cool bye. I don't even know you, but if you don't even have. Unknown 1 - 49:01 The balls to tell me like hey, I'm no longer into this. After we've slept together, yo, that is next level like ****** and I think I took it extra personal since I'd never dealt with somebody ghosting me ever right. And I'm an Aries and I have a big ego. So like really I was like wow what the ****? I don't think like me or whatever in the end I don't really care honestly can't even remember the name of one of these dudes so I clearly didn't care that much but. Yeah, that was that was interesting after I got ghosted by those guys I was like not into this online stuff anymore really. Not yeah, and I feel like online dating for me was problematic even before the pandemic because I have to be able to like, read your vibes and your energy is like do you are or as mingle together and want to do a tango. Unknown 1 - 49:56 But like right? I think it's Nicole Byer who says that the best when she's like all you know when you're talking to someone on Bumble, is that they can read. They can read and then for. A response. Damn you, it's a low bar isn't it? Right? You don't even know anything about them, which is why I liked the like the video dating because I was like, at least at that point, like we're doing things in real time. Unknown 1 - 50:29 I've set aside 20 minutes to an hour to get to know you, so let's do it right. Alright, let's do some manifestations. What do you think? Alright, alright, so I think my biggest take away about my COVID dating experience is that I need to be better that when I'm done. And I know that I'm over. The trajectory trajectory projectory trajectory, the path that the relationship is on. And I'm feeling more miserable and confused than I am calm, secure and happy in my relationship. Unknown 1 - 51:12 I need to just call it quits. Only to ignore my gut instinct because I'm a Capricorn, so I love nothing more than a solution, and my gut instinct is to always go into solution mode and to not give up on something before it signed. And it's like can I fix it? Yes I can. Should I want to? Probably not. And and I think another big take away. Unknown 1 - 51:44 And I remember talking to my counselor about this after the breakup. And like writing this in my journal, I need to be diligent. About being honest about my beliefs, talking about your beliefs and whether or not our beliefs actually mingle. I'm so tired of being blind spot like sided when I'm like wait what you believe what and it's like. All it is is asking the question. And I need to be more diligent about. It's not. Unknown 1 - 52:20 It's not whoever just comes along and takes me out to dinner that gets to date me like no, you have to actually be a worthwhile partner based on my lifestyle and my beliefs about the world. And there was something else. She we talked about something else about like just like. Knowing and being the person who leads those comments oh. It's when I finally figured out that I don't want kids. So me not wanting kids and being a 30 year old on dating apps means that if you have a child, nothing against you. You made life choices, but I don't want kids so I need to be honest about that on my profile. Unknown 1 - 53:10 Like I remember that being a big thing, changing that on my profile from maybe to like Nope don't want kids, yeah? And then my manifestation. For this guy who bums me out and really just me, it's not even for him. I'll manifest about him later, maybe on the shame game episode, but I'm just hoping that anyone I'm interacting with on dating apps or in the real world as a potential partner is willing to give over some patience as we figure out what dating looks like in a pandemic world because it can't be the same. Yeah, so for me I I think I I hope that I appreciate more in person dating. Now you know now that I've been in a position where it's really not. Unknown 1 - 54:05 Able to be done. I hope that when and if we get out of this situation with kovid that I go into more more in person situations instead of online only kind of dating. And appreciate him more. And I want I want to be able to take the opportunity to do all that when we're out of this. For the guys that I've met in COVID, I hope that you were able to really express what you want in a partner and be honest about it. And if you find someone that doesn't meet those things for whatever reason, just be honest with them and be able to speak your mind. Ghosting is certainly appropriate early on in a relationship, but give people the closure that and be an adult about really expressing your feelings and wants and needs or things you don't want and move on. Unknown 1 - 55:12 You know we're all adults and we can all act like it. I feel like. Are come on I'm trying. We're probably going to do an entire episode on Ghosting 2. Yeah, true, true, I'll go into more detail, yeah, so I guess I'll go into plugs. UM, thanks for hanging in there with us. Tolerate ears. I'm going to make it a thing. Unknown 1 - 55:42 Yeah, you are our tolerate IRS and you are out there in the world just trying your best to create good relationship energy in the world. So one way to continue some good energy coming out of those podcasts is for you to like subscribe and then leave us a five star review and comment of what your favorite part of either today's episode or any of the five episodes that we've done so far. Was and then we can start reading your reviews. Make sure to follow us and interact with us at on Instagram. At men I've tolerated pod and then my Instagram handle is Natalie Kay 124. And then if you have any stories I would love some oddball stories about COVID dating like what you've done to get romantical. In this COVID world, because some people are coming up with like really creative, like quarantine dates. Y'all please share them because I literally don't even know what to do other than play video games and watch a movie. Unknown 1 - 56:55 Or if you have some like oddball thing that like, well, someone tried to convince me to do this in a pandemic, Can you believe it story? We also love to hear those in our Gmail is men. I've firstname.lastname@example.org no punctuation. And if you want to follow my personal Instagram, please do. My handle is MSG period kaboose so Miss Kaboose. I'll also have links to my Twitch and other social media there and I'd love to talk to you guys and hear from you so so. This has been Natalie and Dina trying our best to have relationships in an adult pandemic world. Unknown 1 - 57:44 We'll talk to you guys soon, right? Have good energy and good vibes out there.